Regrets

Chapter 10

Freen's

Me and P'Nam just got home from a dinner with our friends. We're currently in my apartment because she insisted on coming here with me, lending her shoulders and ears for me to vent out.

-flashback-

We were now fixing our things when the director said that it was a wrap and the staff left the room we'd done our last shoot in. Becky and I have been distant since that day after the dinner. I have been doing my best to keep things strictly for work between us. I know she's been trying to clear this air within us for a while now, but I am not okay. I know I am not okay with everything that's been going on with her and Dasha that's why I'm trying to distance myself withthe fear of breaking apart in front of her.

In those 2 months time, I know they have been well. I can see how Becky seems to be happy every time she's on the phone with Dasha, texting, or sometimes when we're alone or quite far apart with not many people around, they talk over the phone. I'm not okay with it but it doesn't mean that I wanted to ruin that, that was why distancing myself is the only way for me now that I could do to keep my act together still.

I was interrupted in my train of thoughts when Becky suddenly spoke. We're girlfriends now, P'Freen.

And right at that moment, it felt like something has cut my chest open like a freakin landscape. I froze and I needed a moment to gather my thoughts. I'm not so sure how I should react, how is it supposed to go but I forced myself to smile and did my best to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall. I see. That is all that I've managed to respond to her while slowly nodding my head, and staring at my feet.

After a moment, she spoke again. Everything okay, P'Freen? Before I could even stop myself, I shook my head immediately. Not quite sure if I did it as a form of response to her question or to tell myself to hold it back more and not let my tears fall.

I've seen in my peripheral how she scooted closer and attempted to scoot another inch when I involuntarily scooted away from her. I can't be near her right now. Why? How are you feeling? Did something happen? She asks, concern in her voice.

Not trusting my voice right now, afraid that it would crack, I just shook my head again and kept my gaze on my feet. I then mindlessly picked my things up and turned on my heels. I need to be away from her now before I lose control and break down in front of her.

Where are you going? She abruptly asked. Panic in her voice. I swallowed the lump in my throat and did my best for my voice to sound normal. Home. I went my way after that.

I heard her make a few steps behind me then her phone rang. I continued walking and turned to my left after the room's door. My steps halted because I felt my knees go weak when I heard her say over her phone, Hey baby.. Yes, I'm just about to go home.

I made a poor attempt to wipe off the tears that continuously fell from my eyes. I held on a sob so hard that I had to put my hand on my mouth to try and muffle the sound that had been threatening to choke out from the cry I was desperately holding back. I ran to my car, not minding the staff I heard saying their goodbyes to me.

The moment I was in my car, I let out a loud cry that I had been desperately holding back. I cried so hard that for a moment it felt hard to breathe. I tried to control my breath and knocked on my chest a few times. I weakly got the tumbler from the cup holder in front of me and drank all the water inside it.

After a few moments and I'm sure I can now drive properly, I started to get away from the location and head to my home. The tears continuously fall from my eyes like a waterfall.