Fearless | Sodapop Fanfiction | The Outsiders (Editing)

Chapter 2 | Confidence

Slice!

Searing pain shot through my forearm, but with that pain came relief on my mind. I felt only physical pain, but my emotions washed away.

Slice!

It felt good. Almost as if I didn't want it to stop. I felt the need to do it again...

Slice!

Again...

Slice!

It had been about four days since the last time I cut. I really tried to stop, but my mind is getting the best of me. 

I heard the front door and I knew my parents were home. I left the bathroom and went into my room. They're yelling at each other so I think they're drunk. You wouldn't believe it, but they can be worse when they're drunk.

I was trying to figure out what to do. My cuts are still bleeding and would show. I put on a black hoodie and decided to practice my cheer routine. That's the only thing that might save me from the beating of my life.

My door opened suddenly and I stopped 'practicing'. My dad's cold eyes stared into mine. I didn't let myself be nervous or shaken. I tried my best to look confident and focused. He then left my room, shutting the door. It worked. Although, I continued for a few more minutes until I felt like it was safe to stop.

I sighed before getting ready for bed. I didn't change into pajamas, I just wore what I had on. A t-shirt, pants, and a bloody hoodie.

Sleep overcame me quickly that night. It's been a while since I've fallen asleep that quickly, but I was relieved.

...

When I woke up, I had the urge to do something I never thought I'd do. I'm going to quit cheer. I never liked it anyways. I only did it because my parents forced me. I can't let them keep a grip on my forever.

Today I had cheer practice, but instead of wearing my athletic clothes for practice, I went in a casual zip-up hoodie and leggings.

Our instructor, Betty, was standing there, helping one of the girls with something when she saw me walking over. Almost sensing I had something to say, she turned around to look at me.

"I'm quitting cheer." I said.

"What? But you've been doing it the longest out of all these girls." She said, sounding startled.

"I know, but it doesn't make me happy anymore." I said. Truth be told, it never made me happy, but she doesn't need to know that. To be honest, I think Betty is one of the only people I ever really looked up to. She was really nice and sweet. She's in her late twenties. She's been teaching me since I started doing cheer. Long before competitions and I was still doing Junior Cheer. So she's known me the longest.

She looked at me before nodding. "Well, we'll miss you around here." She told me. I knew she was trying to convince me to stay. Nobody here likes me that much and we both knew that.

I didn't know what to say, so I just nodded and left.

I walked around town for a few hours so my parents would think I was at practice. I really don't want to deal with their shit right now. I didn't do this to spite them, I did this for myself. I'm not letting them change that.

I checked my pockets to see if I had spare change. I found about fifty cents. It's not enough for Dairy Queen or The Dingo, but it's enough for me to get some chips and water. Not the healthiest, but it's something. I honestly don't remember the last time I ate.

I went to some random store and bought a bag of chips and a water. I didn't have any change left and I don't know if I have any money left in my room.

I ate on the way home and collapsed on my bed as soon as I fell asleep. It wasn't enough to satisfy me, but I just have to live with it. I hope sleep will help me gain some energy.

...

I woke up to my door being swung open. I opened my eyes just in time to see a book flying towards my face. I couldn't react and it hit me. It was pretty heavy too.

I heard my mother's voice. She was rambling on about something angrily. It took me a second to catch on to what she was yapping about. Then I finally caught on.

She was yelling about me quitting cheer.

"Mom!" I interrupted her. "Get over it! I quit cheer! So what?! If you're so mad, do it yourself!" I was out of bed at this point. I was just so mad, and I don't know if I made a mistake or not.

"Excuse me? You don't get to speak to me that way." She said, taking a step forward.

"I will speak to you however the hell I want." I spat. I was a little too brave and I knew I crossed a line. There was no way to take back what I said.

I could almost see her contemplating what to do or say next. We're around the same height, so she stepped really close to my face. She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out. She pushed me, hard. I wasn't expecting it, so I fell backwards into my table.

I shot back up and for the first time, I shoved back. That's when I knew I would regret it.