Somewhere Only We Know

VIII - Homesick

6:44 p.m., Sovereign Heights

I watched the university students walk on the street. I imagined the life they had. Did they enjoy it? Were they happy that they immediately went to college? I looked away in hopes of seeing someone, anyone who was also struggling to continue. Though that city was filled with people with hopes and dreams. And the strange thing about that was they did their best to reach whatever goal they had. They didn't seem to doubt their decisions.

Maybe someday, I wouldn't doubt mine.

It was already around 6 pm. The sun was setting in the distance. The streetlights were brightly lit. That city was so lively at night. I thought to myself, I had never seen North Carolina be so lively. Even in the morning. I guessed that place was just boring like that. Or maybe I was boring. So boring that in my eyes, NC was dull, when maybe others saw it the way I saw New York.

I looked behind me, and I saw Jesse pacing right outside of my bedroom door. "Jesse? Are you okay? " I asked with worry in my voice.

"Yeah," he responded in a neutral tone, walking away slowly while staring at the ground.

Once, when I was a kid, my mother told me about Jesse and what he was like. She said he wanted to be an actor one day, but no one ever listened to him. At least that's what he thought.

Was it so wrong to just enjoy life for a bit before diving into college? The thought of pausing, of just staying put and figuring things out, felt strangely peaceful. I knew I had to decide what to do after graduation sooner or later, but right then I just wanted some freedom—some time to breathe and find out who I really was. But then, what was everyone else going to think? Choosing freedom over school might have sounded like I was running away.

Jesse knocked lightly on my open door. "There are doughnuts on the kitchen counter—" he began.

I cut him off. "I thought you wanted to become an actor? "

He looked at me, slightly squinting, almost surprised I had brought it up.

"Well, yeah," he said, stepping in and closing the door softly behind him. "I still want to act. But after moving to New York, every audition I went to ended with people sending me to a modeling agency instead. Everyone said I had the 'model look.'"

"And you just accepted that? They told you to model instead of act? " I asked, raising an eyebrow.

He sighed. "I figured I'd try it for a while and see if I liked it."

"Did you? "

He shrugged. "Honestly, not really. The money was good, sure, but it wasn't what I was passionate about."

"So, in the end, you still wanted to act, despite what everyone said," I said, watching him carefully.

"Exactly. I wish I hadn't let them mess with my head. When I landed in New York, I was so sure I was going to be an actor. I still am." He scratched his palm thoughtfully.

"Why not just go back to acting after you've done modeling for a bit? "

"That's the plan," Jesse said with a tight smile. "A few more years of modeling, then I'll start auditioning again."

I nodded. "Good for you. Hey, do you think Mom would be mad if I told her I wasn't ready for college yet? "

"Why worry about that? It's your life, not hers—unless you're still depending on her for money," he replied. I knew that was true. I did rely on my mom too much, always asking for her opinion on everything and listening closely to her judgments.

"Max, seriously, do what feels right. Taking a break from school is okay. Talk to Mom if you want, but don't let her sway your decisions. Don't make the same mistake I made," Jesse said firmly before heading for the door.

10:50 p.m.

I stood by the window, staring out as streetlights flickered and friends laughed across the street, heading into a cozy café. I missed my friends. How would I make new ones here, especially if I wasn't even going to college right away? My phone buzzed just then. I checked it—a message request from Camila, an old friend. I tapped it open.

"Hey Max, just so you know, Jack stopped by your old house today. He was asking around, looking for your dad specifically. I caught him before he left. Thought you should know, since the last I heard, he was still evil. Be careful."

I typed back, "Thanks, Mila. Did he say what he wanted with my dad? "

She replied, "Nah, didn't catch much. Seemed like he was just searching around for something. Not gonna lie, he might have some issues with your dad. Anyway, don't stress too much. Talk later?"

I put the phone down and joined Jesse and Chase at the dining table. Silence hung between us. Chase wasn't saying much, which was strange, especially since Jesse was sitting there in a bathrobe with that ridiculous green facial mask on his face.

"It's Monday tomorrow," Jesse said, his eyes fixed on the pile of untouched food on his plate. "The flight is at 4 in the morning."

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"You have school, don't you?" he said while cutting into whatever meat was on his plate. "You shouldn't miss your last days as a high school student."

"True that," Chase added. "I stopped going to school near the end of twelfth grade and had to repeat the entire year, or else I wouldn't have graduated."

I stayed silent, poking at the food on my plate with my fork and knife. I didn't feel like eating after that earlier conversation with Jesse. All I could think about was how I was deciding to live in another city with someone I barely knew. How would I adjust to such a drastic change? I was going to lose my friends because they were all heading to different universities across North America.

"Well, my children, I'll be in my room if anyone needs me. But don't bother me after 11 o'clock. Papa has a meeting with Dior," Jesse said, walking away from the dining table and leaving Chase and me behind.

"Something on your mind, Em?" Chase asked, clearing his throat as he took a sip of his drink.

At first, I didn't hear him, too distracted by thoughts of the future. "What? Oh." I paused for a moment. "I'm fine. Probably just homesick or something."

Thankfully, he didn't press any further. He got up and strutted away to another room. Was this the right decision—to leave everything behind? Why was I leaving everything behind? Was it worth leaving the town I grew up in? In the end, would I be happy with this choice?

word count is 1126.