Somewhere Only We Know

XXXIX - Sorry is all you'll ever be

10:29 p.m., Cyplex Parking

"You still smoke?" Camila asked as she pulled out a noticeably full pack of Camels. I watched as she offered a stick along with a lighter, making me almost chuckle. I hesitantly took them in my hand, not breaking eye contact with her. To be honest, I was probably waiting for her to say something motherly-like.

I placed the cigarette between my lips, letting it hang there as I waited.

"What?" she asked, tilting her head as she furrowed her eyebrows in the way that used to make my heart jump. She laughed before looking into the darkness. "I don't regularly smoke. This is just..." she paused, as if thinking of what to say next. "A celebratory smoke?"

I shook my head as I lit the cigarette. "You used to scold me for having this vice, you know?"

Camila turned to me. If I'm not mistaken, she was watching how my chest rose as I inhaled. Kinda gay, if you ask me. I met her gaze before exhaling a slow smoke that left a lingering smell of tobacco in our surroundings.

"I'm going to MIT," she said, inching closer to me. It was quiet enough for both of us to hear the hood of the car under us creaking as she moved. I kept my eyes on her, watching as she lit her own stick; she was clearly hesitant to even bring it to her lips. Finally, she inhaled, her shoulders rising in a sharp, unfamiliar hitch—smoke escaping her nostrils in a thin stream that mingled with mine, thickening the air between us.

"Hmm," I hummed, a simple note of approval slipping out before I could catch it. What else could I have said?

Camila turned to me at the sound, her gaze pinning me in place. I could feel it heavy on my skin, almost afraid that the noise I'd made seemed wrong. The creak of the car hood settled into a low groan under our weight.

Then, she finally gave in. I turned in her direction as she deliberately dropped the cigarette on the floor before completely crushing it.

"I don't smoke," she explained, still aggressively crushing the stick under her shoe.

I shook my head quickly as I inhaled another line of smoke. It was almost too much, making me cough loudly, banging on my chest as I bent down until the noise reshaped to a laugh.

"Stupid. Smoking is bad for you," she said, almost seriously, which made me straighten my back. Camila slid back onto the hood, hands cradling her head as she stared at the moon.

I took one last drag before flicking the butt away, watching it spark and die in the dark. I inhaled slowly, trying to get rid of the burning feeling stuck in my throat. It could be the cause of the smoke or something else.

I gazed at her, surprised that she was already looking at me, which ignited something in me.

"Never got that apology from you, now that I think of it," I said quickly before twisting my torso back and forth. I stared into the distance, almost immediately getting showered by regret.

Why the fuck did I say that?

My calm held steady, but I felt the car shift as Camila moved. She sat closer all at once, pulling her legs up into her arms, face on her knees as she looked right at me. I held her gaze, seeing the thoughts turn in her eyes like shifting wheels.

Then she pulled a cigarette from the Camel pack fast and lit it with a quick flick. It worried me a little. She took a short drag, eyes on the sky. I reached over gently, fingers touching her lips as I took the cigarette and put it in my mouth. I inhaled deeply, wincing at the feeling of the smoke burning my throat.