Somewhere Only We Know

VIII - Independence or Knowledge

I watch the University students walk on the street. I imagine the life they have. Do they enjoy it? Are they happy that they immediately went to college? I look away in hopes of seeing someone, anyone who is also struggling to continue. Though this city is filled with people with hopes and dreams. And the weird thing about that is they do their best to reach whatever goal they have. They don't seem to doubt their decisions.

Maybe someday, I won't doubt my decisions.

It was already around 5 pm. The sun was setting in the distance. The streetlights were brightly lit. This city is so lively at night. I think to myself, I've never seen North Carolina be lively. Even in the morning. I guess that place is just boring like that. Or maybe I'm boring. So, boring that in my eyes, NC is boring, when maybe others see it the way I see New York.

I look behind me, and I see Jesse pacing right outside of my bedroom door, "Jesse? Are you okay?" I ask with worry in my voice.

"Yeah." He responds in a neutral tone, walking away slowly while looking at the ground.

Once, when I was a kid, my mother told me about Jesse and what he was like. She said he wanted to be an actor one day, but no one ever listened to him. At least that's what he thought.

Is it so wrong to just enjoy life for a bit before diving into college? The thought of pausing, of just staying put and figuring things out, feels strangely peaceful. I know I gotta decide what to do after graduation sooner or later, but right now I just want some freedom — some time to breathe and find out who I really am. But then, what's everyone else going to think? Choosing freedom over school might sound like I'm running away.

Jesse knocks lightly on my open door. "There are doughnuts on the kitchen counter—" he starts.

I cut him off. "I thought you wanted to become an actor?"

He looks at me, slightly squinting. It was almost like he was surprised anyone would bring something like that up.

He looks at me, squinting like I threw him a curveball. "Well, yeah," he says, stepping in and closing the door softly behind him. "I still want to act. But after moving to New York, all the auditions I went for ended with me being sent to a modeling agency instead. Everyone said I fit the model look better."

"And you just accepted that? They told you to model instead of act?" I say, raising an eyebrow.

He sighs and replies, "I figured I'd try it for a while and see if I liked it."

"Did you?"

He shrugs. "Honestly, not really. The money's good, sure, but it's not what I'm passionate about."

"So, in the end, you still want to act, despite what everyone says," I say, looking at him.

"Exactly. I wish I didn't let them mess with my head. When I landed in New York, I was so sure I was gonna be an actor. Still am." He scratches his palm thoughtfully.

"Why not just go back to acting after you've done modeling a bit?"

"That's the plan," Jesse says with a tight smile. "A few more years of modeling, then I'll start auditioning again."

I nod. "Good for you. Hey, do you think Mom will be mad if I tell her I'm not ready for college yet?"

"Why worry about that? It's your life, not hers—unless you're still depending on her for money," he replies. I know that's true. I do rely on my mom too much, always asking for her opinion on everything, listening closely to her judgments.

"Max, seriously, do what feels right. Taking a break from school is okay. Talk to Mom if you want, but don't let her sway your decisions. Don't make the same mistake I made," Jesse says firmly before heading for the door.

I stand by the window, staring out as streetlights flicker and friends laugh across the street heading into a cozy café. I miss my friends. How will I make new ones here, especially if I'm not even going to college right away? My phone buzzes just then. I check it—a message request from Camila, an old friend. I tap it open.

"Hey Max, just so you know, Jack stopped by your old house today. He was asking around, looking for your dad specifically. I caught him before he left. Thought you should know since last I heard, he was still evil. Be careful."

I type back, "Thanks, Mila. Did he say what he wanted with my dad?"

She replies, "Nah, didn't catch much. Seemed like he was just searching around for something. Not gonna lie, he might have some issue with your dad. Anyway, don't stress too much. Talk later?"

I put the phone down and join Jesse and Chase at the dining table. Silence hangs between us. Chase isn't saying much, which is weird, especially since Jesse is there in a bathrobe with that ridiculous green facial mask on his face.

"It's Sunday tomorrow," Jesse says, not pulling away his eyes from the pile of untouched food on his plate. "Let's leave at 7 in the morning."

"Where are we going?" I ask.

"You have school on Monday," He states while cutting whatever meat is on his plate. "You shouldn't miss your last school days as a high school student."

"True that," Chase follows. "I stopped going to school near the end of 12th grade and had to repeat the entire grade or else I wouldn't graduate."

I stay silent. Using my fork and steak knife to poke the food on my plate. I didn't feel like eating after that conversation with Jesse earlier. All I can think about now is how I'm deciding to live in another city with someone I barely know. How will I adjust to such a drastic change? I'm going to lose my friends because they're all going to different Universities all around North America.

"Well, my children. I will be in my room if anyone needs me. But don't need me before the clock hits 9 o'clock. Papa has a meeting with Dior." Jesse says, walking away from the dining table and leaving me and Chase behind. "Something on your mind, Em?" Chase said, clearing his throat as he took a sip of whatever drink was served.

At first, I didn't hear him, clearly way too bothered by the future, "What? Oh," I paused for a moment. "I'm fine. Probably just homesick or something."

Thankfully, he didn't press any further, getting up and strutting away to another room. Is this the right decision to leave everything behind? Why am I leaving everything behind? Is this worth leaving the town I grew up in? In the end, will I be happy with this decision?

word count is 1138.