Somewhere Only We Know

VIII - Independence or Knowledge

I watch the University students walk on the street. I imagine the life they have. Do they enjoy it? Are they happy they immediately went to college? I look away in hopes of seeing someone, anyone who is also struggling to continue. Though, this city is filled with people with hopes and dreams. And the weird thing about that is they do their best to reach whatever goal they have. They don't seem to doubt their decisions.

Maybe someday, I won't doubt my decisions.

It was already around 5 pm. The sun was setting in the distance. The street lights were brightly lit. This city is so lively at night. I think to myself, I've never seen North Carolina be lively. Even in the morning. I guess that place is just boring like that. Or maybe I'm boring. So boring that in my eyes, NC is boring, when maybe others see it the way I see New York.

I look behind me, and I see Jesse pacing right outside of my bedroom door, "Jesse? Are you okay?" I ask with worry in my voice.

"Yeah." He responds in a neutral tone, walking away slowly while looking at the ground.

Once, when I was a kid, my mother told me about Jesse and what he was like. She said he wanted to be an actor one day, but no one ever listened to him. At least that's what he thought.

Would it be so bad to enjoy my life before deciding to go to college? There's something peaceful about the thought of just staying put for a while. I know I need to figure out what I'm going to do after graduating. But, I don't know. On the other hand, I want to become independent for a while. But then what will people think of me once I choose freedom over education?

Jesse knocks on my already open door, "There are doughnuts on the—"

I cut him off. "I thought you wanted to become an actor?"

He looks at me, slightly squinting. It was almost like he was surprised anyone would bring something like that up.

"Well, um," He steps into my room, slightly closing the door behind him and walking towards me.

"I did want to become an actor at one point. I think I still do. But, I'm stuck with modeling. I went to New York to see if I could get a few auditions. But instead, they referred me to a modeling agency. Everyone said I fit more in the modeling industry." Jesse asks. He looks out the window, watching the building windows from afar that reflect the sun setting.

"And you listened to what people said? That you're fit to be a model and not what you want to be?"

"Look," He says, his voice rising in volume. "I figured if I tried it out for a while, I'd end up liking it."

I look at him, "And did you end up liking it?" I press.

"Not really. It's good money and all. But, it's not my passion."

"So in the end, you still wish you had chosen acting regardless of what other people said?" I ask.

"Yeah. I wish I didn't let them get into my head. I was already so sure that I wanted to become an actor in New York the moment I stepped onto a plane," He looks at me, scratching the center of his palm.

"Then why don't you try entering acting again? Not now, but someday."

"That's my original plan. After a few years of modeling, I'll go back to trying to get auditions."

"Good for you," I say. "Do you think Mom would get mad if I told her I didn't want to go to college yet?"

"What does it matter if she gets mad? It's your life. Unless you still plan on relying on her financially."

"I don't know. I always asked for her opinion on everything I do. I would listen to every judgment she had." I say.

I rely too much on other people.

"Listen to me, Max. Do what you want to do with your life. You can take a break from school. That's completely fine. You can talk to Mom about it, but don't let her talk you out of what you plan on doing. Don't make the same mistake I made." He says, smiling. He walks to my door, opens it, then leaves.

I stayed where I was for a few more minutes, still looking out the street, secretly searching for a sign that I should just do what I wanted to do.

I didn't see any signs, but I did see a group of friends walking to a coffee shop. I miss my friends. How will I make friends once I move here if I'm not going to college right away?

We were sitting at the dining table, silence filling the room. Chase wouldn't even utter a word which was really unusual considering Jesse was sitting there wearing a bathrobe with a cleansing mask on his face.

"It's Sunday tomorrow," Jesse says, not pulling away his eyes from the pile of untouched food on his plate. "Let's leave at 7 in the morning."

"Where are we going?" I ask.

"You have school on Monday," He states while cutting whatever meat is on his plate. "You shouldn't miss your last school days as a high school student."

"True that," Chase follows. "I stopped going to school near the end of 12th grade and had to repeat the entire grade or else I wouldn't graduate."

I stay silent. Using my fork and steak knife to poke the food on my plate. I didn't feel like eating after that conversation with Jesse earlier. All I can think about now is how I'm deciding to live in another city with someone I barely know. How will I adjust to such a drastic change? I'm going to lose my friends because they're all going to different Universities all around North America.

"Well, my children. I will be in my room if anyone needs me. But don't need me before the clock hits 9 o'clock. Papa has a meeting with Dior." Jesse says, walking away from the dining table.

Is this the right decision to leave everything behind? Why am I leaving everything behind? Is this worth leaving the town I grew up in? In the end, will I be happy with this decision?

word count is 1079.