A Dancehall Story - The Final Years. Part 1

Chapter18- Whispering Waters

Stacy's POV

"Stacy?"

"Yes?, I'm sorry, I am just a little out of it today Dr. Ellis."

She made a note on her pad, I had to remember that she was just doing her job.

"May I ask,why is that?"

"I just feel like I am doing too much because I have missed out on so much when I was going through my little moment."

"Big moment, Stacy."

"What?"

"You should never look at it as a little moment because you will take it for granted and you might slip back into it without knowing. So you should always treat it as something big, something you never want to experience again," she said and somehow I got what she was saying.

"I understand but I don't want to dwell on it too much. Everyone treats me differently now because of it."

"They will Stacy, if they cared about you then it had an impact on them as well. Tell me what is going on."

"Take my cousin for example, I am so mad at her and I feel like she got too close to my best friend and I don't like it. I feel bad that I feel this way but I can't help it."

She wrote on the pad again, "Have you tried talking to her about it?"

"No, because they will just say I am overthinking and miserable. I don't want her to take my space and I also feel like she wants to have everything I have. That's so bad of me?"

"No, you are human with feelings," she said.

"Horrible feelings. How could I think this of my own family? She didn't even do anything to me but I can't help but feel that if I had died, she would take my place."

"I would not say you are overthinking, it's a normal human reaction. What I suggest is that you get your friends together and you tell them how you truly feel. Speak with them individually if you have to."

"Maybe I will, maybe I won't."

"Just take your time, don't rush anything. Now is that the only problem you are having now?"

"No. I missed dinner last night with my family and now my husband is mad at me. He left the house at 4 am this morning. All he did was kiss me on my cheek because he thought I was asleep."

"Why did you miss dinner?"

"I went to look at my buildings, got caught up and things just got out of hand. I tried to explain everything to him but he did not want to listen."

She wrote on her pad once more and we were briefly silent.

"Remember the list I told you that I am waiting on?" she asked.

"Yes, I still haven't gotten around to make it but I will."

"I want the list, I want you to write down what you want for yourself Stacy. Being a mother and wife does not mean you should put your dreams on hold."

"I have to find a balance or I am going to feel like I'm trapped. I want to build myself but my husband prefers me being at home, catering to him and our children."

"You feel like you are being forced to be a mother and wife?"

"Sometimes I do but that's so selfish of me. I feel like I want to do everything without feeling afraid of how my husband will react if I mess up"

"Are you scared of him?"

"I am not scared of him but he does not think rationally when he thinks he is losing control. I don't want to feel like I don't respect him."