By Any Other Name

Chapter Twelve

Jade didn't know what to do. It was really pissing her off, too.

Confessing had taken nearly every ounce of willpower she'd had. So when Tori had just run away... admittedly, after the tears she found that she'd been incredibly pissed off. And she had a right to be! Running away from such a heartfelt confession... who does that?!

...that may have just been the rejection talking, though.

Still, that hurt. And she wouldn't even let me drive her home! What, did she think I was going to ravage her in the car whether she wanted it or not?! Come on, I may be slightly psychotic, but I would never take advantage of anybody like that!

...so says the girl that practically shoved her tongue down her crushes throat. Without said crushes consent. While said crush thought the whole thing was some kind of sick joke.

She sighed, hands clamping down on her scissors and moving yet another inch farther across the thick plastic of the garbage can. Luckily the janitor had gone out and gotten new ones, otherwise she would have had to take her frustrations out on something else. Something... softer.

She retracted her hand and cocked her head, admiring her handiwork. Instead of just shredding the poor thing as she'd done in the past, this time she was cutting the entire thing up into one giant spiral, like an apple skin. She was already halfway through, and even though her hand was killing her she wouldn't stop until she was done.

Maybe she'd have her feelings sorted out by then.

Even if I am angry, it doesn't matter. I'm always angry. But I've never been this antsy before. I was so hoping I'd get to talk to her in class or something, or at least at lunch. When I saw her... with Beck, no less, I almost lost it. It was like I couldn't breathe... I... I wanted to talk to her, I... needed to be close to her... I just needed to feel her warmth. That would've calmed me down. We would have been able to sort this all out, or at least make a step in the right direction.

Tori hadn't come over though. Tori had seen her and her eyes had gone wide, spine snapping straight up and her mouth dropping open into a horrified, skittish, slack-jawed stare.

It was like someone had shoved her heart into a clamp and swung the lever as far as it would go, squeezing her until she felt like she was sure she was going to die...

Then Tori had run away again, and Jade knew that her anger had only been a natural reaction, her natural reaction. The aching sorrow and desperation that forced her to rise from her seat and reach out after Tori's retreating figure was something entirely new to her. The jealousy she felt was new too; up until this point her 'jealousy' had only ever been her insecurity making itself known. When girls would flirt with Beck she wouldn't be angry because she was worried he might be falling in love with someone else, she'd be angry because she didn't trust him to be satisfied with just her.

When she sees Beck look at Tori with those dark, intense eyes not a fiber of her being worries that she isn't good enough. Every fiber worries that Tori might just not want her... despite everything she might do.

And it terrifies her.

What am I going to do if she ends up with Beck? What am I going to do if I end up alone? I couldn't. I can't... I can't be stuck in that big house alone until I graduate... I-I can't. I need someone... and, right now, I think the only person that someone can be is Tori.

She cares about me. She does! I know it! Even after everything, she cares! I don't know why, but she does! And... I care about her. When that jerk Ryder was two-timing her, I literally wanted to kill him. I wanted to go to his house, wake him up with some kind of horrible Dubstep mix that would make his ears bleed, then shove a pair of scissors in each eye.