Evita♡ (By FlowerGirl231109)

Do you love yourself? (23/02/2024)

Selfconvidence... something some people have and ohers don't. In life it's important to love yourseld and accept yourself the way you are. But is is all that easy?

No, it isn't.... loving yourself is not that easy. All lot of people struggle with this. But why? Well, in life you get to know yourselve. You learn your strong and weak sides, good and bad ones. Just like i am experiencing right now, and maybe also you. Since i was ten years old i started getting to know myself and putting my first steps in puberty. A time full of ups and downs, happy and sad times... This is diffrent for evryone. For some this is the best times of their lives, for others the worst. But i wouldn't call it the worst..  i would call it the hardest, but you learn a lot from it!  Just like with me..

When i was ten years old it was 2020. as you probably know it was the corona period at the time, that meant that we all needed to stay home and get online lessons. I was still in primary school back then. I really liked staying home because i could play a lot of Roblox and i liked being home with my parents. But when we needed to go back to school evrything changed.. It was the hardest time for me. As i already said before i have the fear of abendonment, that meant that going to school was extra hard for me after such a long time. Evryday i felt nauseous to go to school and a school day felt like an enternity. I was litereally acting like a 5 year old but what could i do about it? It was just all pretty hard for me, it wasn't my fault!

In the end my teacher allowed me to caunt down the lessons by crossing them off the board with a marker. This really helped me. I also got to therapy so that evrytime i felt sad or anxious i could pick up my papper that i made with the therapist, and use it to make myself feel better. On my school there were also care teacher who help sensitive children like me. The one that helped me was a really caring and nice women. She helped me evrytime i felt sad or anxious, i am really thankfull to her for that. Anyway because of the corona virus spreading we all needed to have seperate playtimes outside. This was also very hard for me..

I had some friends where i played with outside of my class. Now i needed to play with my classmates. Because of this i was never really happy if it was time to go play outside, i tried to be apart of a group but i noticed that they didn't care about me. One of the only boys in this group was one year younger than me. I always played roblox with him and hung out with him. But later on i realised that i shouldn't have tried so badly to fit in, and that he wasn't a real friend. Evrytime i tried to join him in what he liked and did, but it was never enough for him.. Now i know that i shouldn't have tried so hard for him, i shouldn't have been friends with him. Now we don't have any contact anymore because we both didn't reach out to eachoter , i got to High School soon after. 

When it were the last few weeks of Primary School there were a lot of arguments between girls in my class, with the teacher we decided that we were going to do our best to make this the best last two weeks. In one of these two weeks we had a class excursion to an amusement park. We were going to sleep at school and go to the amusement park. I didn't want to sleep at school so i didn't do it. I still remeberd that there was a loving raid teacher with us, she was really nice and loving to me because i had it very hard. I want to thank her aswell for helping me and being so nice to me. 

In the end i still remeber that i got really close to a girl in my class, we were like bff! In the beginning i thought that she was a little bit to emotionel and dramatic. She had her own problems to. But we really got along and i finally didn't feel alone anymore. Sadly this happened in the last few weeks of school, but i will never forget her. Right now we don't have contact anymore because i moved to another country, but i hope that she is happy and found new friends! 

In the end i just want to say that your not the only one who had or has it hard, and feels alone.. Evrything will be okay, i promise. The most important thing is that you stay yourselve and search for help when you need it. Because there will always be amazing people who want to help you and care for you. Stay strong💪🏻💪🏻 and be brave!! Your amazing!!💖 And thanks for listening again, i hope i could help you(;

Love yoouuu♡♡♡♡

-Evita🌺