Evita♡ (By FlowerGirl231109)

When i was younger? (06/07/2024)

Who was i when i was younger?

Was i a better person?

Happier?

Stronger?

More lovely?

Pretty?

You never know..

I feel sick to my stumach right now. I don't know how to ever get out of this, how to ever change where im in right now. When i was a kid i loved to go to my grandparents house- doesn't everyone? I still remember when i was at her house, and my mom came to pick me up. I tried to always hide myself from her, because i didn't want to leave. My mom once told me thta every time that i came to my grandma. We both smiled and laughed as i jumped in her arms for a big hug. We are almost the same person. Very happy and enthousiastic, both blond haire and green eyes. 

But right now.. all i want to do is go home..

Not staying- like i wanted when i was a kid. Going home.

Since i got into puberty, i changed. I am still Evita, but i feel different when im here. I think it's because of the bad memory's i feel in this house. There are also a lot of good ones, and i mean A LOT. But the fear still creeps up on me. When i come here. 

''You may be asking?'' Evita, why do you feel so scared and uncomfertable being here?

I would say: ''I am such a mess right now?''

Like, how do people even expect me to deal with my thought!?

To need to deal with the every single day again. 

I know, i know... it will be over soon...

but i still want them gone, out of my brain.

Doesn't everyone?

Since i changed in puberty i had my fear of abandonment. So when i was at my grandparents house, i kept on wanting to see my mom. A lot of other things came in aswell. But my grandparent just- can't understand me in a way i want to be understood. This made way to fear and bad memories... I hate that. I can't enjoy being here again, as much as i did when i was younger.

Why can't i go back there, to the times when i was happy, didn't worry or have thoughts in my head. A time where i was happy, so happy. Myself.

Puberty did change my happy side. It made place for other emotions. I can't be happy all the time now. But that's life i quess. 

''When you grow up, you feel less joy.'' -Inside out 2

My mom is visiting my grandma in Albania right now.. So my thoughts AGAIN make there way of making my life a living hell. But atleast i have the feeling right now that im not alone. That there are other teenagers having it had like me. Maybe even you-

The person who is reading this right. now.

You.

Thanks for reading, i feel a bit better right now.

Thankyou.

-Evita