The broken heart

Chapter 30

Kevin glanced through the closed door one more time and sat at the edge of the bed. "This bed is so comfy" He mumbled and and slowly dropped himself in to the bed. The slowly rising pain in his body and tiredness of all the shopping take troll on him and he went in to a deep slumber. 

Kevin's mental state is no good than his physical state. His inner turmoil, his resilience against it take all the power. It's not easy for him to hide and guard himself almost all the time. He is pushing his limits every time and fighting with all his willpower.

"I'm sorry sir, I'll do better next time. Please forgive me sir. I swear I'll be better! Please!" I pleaded to Appa who dragged me from my arm, that hurting like it'll rip at any moment. I cried again, "Please! forgive me sir, I'll be better. I'll be a good boy. I'm sorry for being a bad boy!" I know I'm a bad boy, but I can't be in there. I'm scared, I'm so much scared." Please, Appa!" I wailed in his hard hold. But he didn't listen to me. My words are just another echo on his ears. He pushed open the door to my most scariest place and continue to drag me down the wooden, creepy stairs that make creaks at each steps. I quickly wished it to fall down and kill both me and dad. But it doesn't happen as he pushed open the second door and hovered me there. "Appa NO!, please don't do this, please help me please" I cried and begged for his mercy and ran towards the door, but to no avail he shut the door with a loud thud. I froze at the place. I can't see my surrounding, it's pitch black, only black. My mind was a blank. I again run towards the door and slam it as hard as I could. "Appaaa, Appaaa, Open this please, I'll be good, I'll be a better boy. Please! I'm so sorry. Please forgive me and open the door!" I cried, I begged but unlucky me. No one loves a pathetic, weak boy like me. Appa doesn't love me. He disgust me and hate me. I'm a unlucky, bad, worthless boy. My begging to open the door stopped due to the unbearable pain I felt in my pathetic hand and throat. I no longer can't do it. "A-pp-aa, pl-eas-e Op-en, I'm sca-re--dd" with a shivering heart and trembling body I slowly turn around to face the worst nightmare. The seen in front of me make my breath to stop for a moment. It's pitch dark. I can't even see my own hand. Everything is dark and dark. My mind is filled with darkness. That last long for god knows how long. Suddenly the dark starts to be more suffocating and it start to come to me. Oh! it going to swallow me. it going to rip me apart. It's hurting don't do that. Please I want my eyes back. I want to see again. Please let me see again. Don't do this to me. Help me please, help me I can't. Don't eat me. Don't kill me. I'll be a good boy. No! please.

Kevin shot open his eyes and sat on the bed gasping for air. His fragile, weak body covered with sweat. Tears are flowing down through his cheeks. His breathing is shallow and he is trying hard to steady the breathing. The unstopping tears are flowing without his knowledge. "It's over, It's not happening now. It's just a nightmare. A bad one. You are all good. No one is around you. come on Kevin breath! breath!" He ranted in head and gradually but slowly calm himself down. 

He slowly went to the bathroom and wash his sweaty mixed teary face. "You are going to be fine."

"You think like that, they are going to be the same you fool"

"you don't have to remind me of that shit" 

"Oh! really but I'm helping you unless you forgot the shit"

"Just keep quiet. can't you?"

"worthless brat"

Kevin came out of the bathroom and sat on the bed as always. He grabbed his bag that lay down beside the bed and took out his diary. He started writing about his feelings and everything in that. How much he is scared meeting new people, how much he scared of being exposed to them, what's there intentions, what if they hurt him and used him for drug business he wrote how he felt like always. It calm him down a bit. He again lay on the bed blankly.