So I guess this is what goodbye feels like? That wanting to go and wanting to stay feeling I'm torn between in.
"Don't forget to call when you get home okay?" Mom tells me, I nod and hug her for the fifth time. Our relationship may not be the closest of mother and daughter but we've improved. I'd given her the chance, and she's taken it to make up for. "I'm going to miss you so much," she says.
"I'm gonna miss you too," I cry.
When we let go, her cheeks are soaked with new tears. And I hug her again. God, please let everything be okay.
Earlier today, Ashton had already said his good byes. But when he pulls me in for a hug now, I sob. "Don't cry," he says softly into my ear. And I cry even more. I'm being such a baby. "Gosh, you're making me cry as well!" He jokes, but I'm pretty sure there's a little bit of truth in there.
"I'm going to miss you so bad," he says. And I mumble a reply which I didn't even hear. "You are the best sister in the whole world, you know that right?" He says to me again. I sniffle.
"You're kinda obligated to say that Ash"
He laughs, it's the greatest laugh ever.
"You are. It's only been what? Three months. And we've been apart our whole lives," he sighs. "I love you, you're the only sibling I have. I want you to stay, but I know you can't. You have a different life, but always remember that you have a damn awesome brother back here, yeah?" He pulls away from our hug and says, "All right, little sister?"
I nod. He hands me something of his own.
"I want you to have this," He puts it on my palms and closes it.
His drumsticks.
"Consider it as your birthday present, okay?"
"Thank you," I say in glee. "So so much, you're the bestest"
"I am," he laughs. I think it's the best present ever. Better than any pricey gift. It's from him, he uses it all the time. You can see the oldness through it's skin. It's the one he uses everyday. I grasp it, and banged his head. "Heyyy! Watch where you bang that thing!" I laugh.
"Now you behave okay?" I tell him as if I was the older sibling. My mood has changed into a crying baby to a concerned sibling in just two minutes. "Get a girlfriend, a real one." I say,
"Wait and see," he winks at me. Now it's time to say goodbye to my friends. The first was Grace. A lot of hugging and pep talk here and there. Michael said his goodbye plus an advice for me to dye my hair red or green. Because he thinks it's a nice color for me, ah, that inner hair enthusiast in him.
Calum kept apologizing because he didn't get me anything. "Your birthday is so near, I'm sorry I didn't get you anything. I forgot. I swear I'll make it up to you,"
"It's fine! Geez," I tell him. Again, a lot of hugging and pep talk. I have a good ten minutes before I enter.
He isn't coming.
I knew he wouldn't come. Why would he?
Should I have replied to his text yesterday? I feel stupid.
Hopes of seeing the last friend of mine come is popped like a bubble. I need a miracle. I haven't seen him in days, since Aila broke up with him.
I gathered this idea in my head that he'd come running to the airport to say his goodbye, I push it away. He wouldn't
11:11 Please.
11:20 Time to go. He didn't show up.
Ouch
