I'm coming home next week.
Was the first thing I thought about once I got out of my comfortable soft bed. It never occurred to me that I'll be leaving this place eventually. All the drama got in my head and I forgot I have a life back in New York.
Asia. Oh my god I haven't contacted her in ages. I quickly grabbed my phone from the bed side table and see if she's online. She's not. With a final sigh, I stepped out of my room without even washing my hair or brushing my teeth.
What happened a few days ago was a mistake. A huge one at that. And I can't even bear thinking about it without guilt cursing through me. I just can't believe they broke up, in front of me. In front of me. They broke up because of me. I don't know why but I fear Luke will try to get her back, will he? Do I want him to get back with Aila? It doesn't matter what I think, really. Its his choice. And it's Aila's choice whether she takes him back or not. I doubt that what I feel for her is jealousy. It's not. Or is it?
A few days, just a few more days and I'm flying home. Away from here. Away from all the damage I've caused. Running away is the only option I have right now. And I'm not taking any chances.
"Food is on the table," Ash said, breaking my train of thoughts.
I'm not in the mood for some eating. But I need to. I feel like I lost some weight or is it just I feel so light these past few days.
Ashton hasn't spoken to me about anything that happened with Luke and Aila, I'm glad but also bothered. Is he mad? I don't want to ask him, maybe he is.
Once I entered the kitchen I see eggs, bread and Vegemite. It's not much but I'm up for it.
"Anna, can we talk?" Ashton said when he came into view in the kitchen. I'm afraid he'll lash out on me for what happened with Luke but it's now or never I guess. "I have good news," he says smiling. And with that I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.
"We're going on tour," he says happily.
"Uh, I know? You mentioned it like a million times now," I try to let lighten up our mood even more.
"Yes. But this is different!"
"How so?" I asked with my one eye brow raising.
"It's our headlining tour! We'll tour America, Europe, Australia! Aaaaaah"
"Aaaaaah?" Me
"Aaaaaaah!" Ashton
"Aaaaaah" me again. We went on in that for about a good two minutes.
"That's so cool, Ash. I mean great. Oh my god. I'm so happy for you" I say to him.
"Me too, I mean aaaah, we've been doing this thing for almost two years now and I still can't wrap my head around it," he says,
"I'm not showing off or something I just, just ..." I am rendered speechless, how can he be so amazing yet humble at the same time. He's literally the most genuine person I know.
He came closer and gave me the tightest and warmest hug ever.
"I love you, I'm so happy you're my little sister." he says, burrying his head into my shoulder.
"You too, big brother" I smile.
"So what do you want to do today?" He asks
"What?" I asked back.
"I said.." I cut him off by saying "No, I heard you. I mean you're free for today? We can hang out?" I asked too excitedly.
***
"This is going to be so fun!" Ashton cheerfully says, eyes still on the road. I'm glad he agreed to go with me do touristy things. And I'm more glad he didn't push it when I declined to invite anyone of his friends, or just Luke.
So it'll be like just me and him.
We're headed to the bay, which is near the Sydney opera house. It's a good fifteen minute drive but it felt so long as hell.
Silence filled the car and I'm just looking through what we've just passed. "You know, Anna, you could tell me anything. If you want to open up, I'm here to listen." He said out of the blue.
"I-- I" he cut me off
"This whole drama has been exhausting don't you think? And every time it happens you don't even tell me, why? Don't you trust me?" He's now frowning.
"Ashton," I said "No, it's not like that! Nothing like it I swear."
"Then why won't you tell me stuff that's happening?" He says, "You're leaving in like five days from now, and I don't want you to but I just wish you'd be honest with me. With what happened with Luke and Aila,"
He's right.
I have been so cooped up with this drama and I just bottled it all up inside me.
"I didn't tell you anything because I thought.. I thought you'd get mad at me. Because I'm causing so much drama. Since I came here so much has happened. It's all because of me."
He stops the car, I didn't even noticed we're already here.
"No, it's not because of you Anna" he says frowning.
He unlocks his car door and says, "Let's go, let's talk about it later. Okay? For now, we enjoy the rest of the day!"
It amazes me how fast his mood changes. He's like a girl, on her period experiencing mood swings.
"Yes," I say and also got out of the car.
***
"Haha! You should've seen the look on your face!" He laughs.
"Ha-ha, very funny" I dead-panned. We're now at the harbor and with our phones, looking through pictures we've just taken.
And we have taken so many. SO MANY. Most of them were pictures of the place. And other were me, him and together.
"That's a nice shot," he says. "I'll post it on Instagram"
He's busy posting pics on IG while I study the view that's before me. It's stunning. The Australia sky.
I have no phone credit so I won't be able to upload photos. Sucks.
Only a few moments and it'll be sunset.
"Beautiful," I mumble.
"It is, isn't it? You don't have it in New York." Ashton laughs.
He puts a hand on my shoulder and the other has his phone.
"Let's take a selfie,"
Click
***
It's nice to have someone who will listen to you. I realized I've never actually discussed my feelings with anyone. Not even Asia since she's busy. Ashton is such a good listener, but he's so loud.
"So you can do like Luke!" Ashton exclaims with his hands in the air. "But you like Calum as well!" He adds
"Hush!!" I tried to calm him down. I just finished telling him almost everything. Well, not detailed. But I did tell him what happened.
"But Aila, she's heart-broken. What are you going to do?"
"I.. I don't know," I scratched the back of my head. "She's angry with me,"
"Well, if I was her I'd choke you to death," Ashton says nonchalantly.
"What the fuck?!" I almost spit my water.
"Watch your mouth Missy," he says, "But yeah, if I was her I'd be angry." He smiles.
Uh, this is frustrating. 5 days. I only hav five days. I wish I can go already, and I wish I could stay here. I'm so confused.
But one thing's for sure, I'm gonna miss this.
Sorry this update sucks.
