Everything I Wanted // Billie Eilish

What did I do...?

I watched Ava walk around the room gathering random things she brought for me at the hospital. I sat on the edge of the bed putting on my shoes. "you ready to go?" I looked up at her as she picked up the last thing. "yeah.." I stood on my feet and walked over to her, wrapping my arms around her. "I love you so much... I hope you know that.." she rested her hand on my head and held me tightly. "don't worry Billie, I know.. I love you too." I smiled into her neck and we pulled apart. I grabbed her hand and we walked out of the room and down the hall.

I waited while she checked me out before we finally left the building. I took a deep breath of the fresh air around me. I looked up at the sky and admired the few clouds in the bright blue sky. it was pretty hot out, which normally would be a good thing if I wasn't wearing a sweater right now. I couldn't take it off either, I didn't want to be seen with this bandage wrapped around my arm. The last thing I needed right now was someone taking a photo of my arm and it going viral.

we walked into the parking lot where my mom was waiting for us. I looked over to Ava and gave her a confused look. "did you tell her?" I got a little worried that my mom knew about what happened. "I had to Billie, shes your mom and she needs to know things like this, plus someone needed to drive us home, your car is still at home." I sighed and looked down as we made our way to the car.

I looked up as my mom saw me through her window. She immediately stepped out of the car and ran to me, wrapping her arms around me tightly. Knowing her, she instantly started crying into my shoulder. "Oh my gosh Billie, you should've told me right away! I don't want you to ever feel like this. I'm so sorry honey, I'm so sorry... I was so worried... Are you okay?" Tears brimmed my eyes as she held my shoulders and looked into my eyes. I loved my mom very dearly, I just hated to see her worried about me. I nodded and she pulled me in for another hug, but this time I silently cried into her shoulder. "Mom.. I'm okay..."

She lifted her head and studied my face. "Are you sure..? I'm always here for you..." I just nodded and looked down, I didn't want her getting too involved. I looked over to Ava who was watching our entire interaction. I then realized that my mom might not know that me and her were dating. "um.. mom, this is Ava.." she looked over to Ava and back at me. "Yeah I know, she called me." I smiled nervously as I looked back to Ava. "Don't worry... I won't tell anyone you guys are dating.. unless you want me to?" I didn't say anything to that but instead threw a smile towards Ava.

"okay lets go, hm? I have food waiting at home." We got into the car and I chose to sit in the back with Ava. I rested my head on her shoulder as we drove. I don't think I've ever had this much love for a person before. She is the best thing that could ever happen to me. I remember the few things I heard her say while I was semi unconscious. Hang on Billie, please just hang on. Hang on for me please... I can't lose you... My heart felt warm as I thought of the way she was squeezing my hand tightly through it all. Even the way she was holding me on the bathroom floor, despite the fact I and everything was covered in blood. Wait, was there blood still all over the bathroom?

I felt my heart rate grow as I thought of how messy the bathroom would be right now. I wasn't even sure if I'd be able to go back in there to see the knife I used still on the floor. I guess Ava could sense my uneasiness as she put her arm around me and held me tightly. she lowered her head and quietly whispered. "Are you okay baby?" "is the bathroom... still uh.. messy..?" Ava shook her head making myself calm down. "don't worry.. the paramedics cleaned it all up." I sighed into her chest feeling relieved that my mom wouldn't have to see that.

We pulled up to the house and before Ava let go of me she left a soft kiss on my forehead. She then grabbed my hand and we headed inside. The smell of food hit my nose as soon as we walked in making my mouth water. I hadn't eaten in what felt like days. Me and Ava sat down at the table and my mom handed each of us a bowl of chicken noodle soup, vegan of course. I felt a bit of warmness inside of me as I smelt the aroma coming from the bowl. I sighed as I took the first bite. It was the most delicious thing ever.