"How much of self respect do you lack to ask me to fuck you just to prove a point?"
"You are hot too." He adds like it makes a difference.
~
In a world where a writer, Hyunjin struggles with lack of inspiration for his books, so he decides to seek...
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To you who was never mine.
Life was so monochrome, but you painted it. With what color is the question. The question I might never have answer for. The question that kept me up all night, when you so peacefully slept in my sheets. It always smelled like you, and I would always find myself cuddled up in them once you were gone.
It started with the intrigue. Your azure hair reflected light like a lake in the snow, and eyes danced in those lights. When you touched my hand, I felt the softness of your fingers. Freckles adorned your cheeks like scattered debris.
You left a lasting impression. Moving with the fluidity of a snake, your smooth skin glowed in the lights, reinforcing the statement.
Yet, there was a spark in your eyes, as if hungering for someone's energy. I couldn't fathom why you were at the bar or why you approached me. However, it seemed as if you were doing everything to feel alive again.
As our conversation unfolded, I found myself drawn in by your every word. There was a depth to you, a complexity that intrigued me beyond measure. I wanted to peel back the layers, to uncover the secrets hidden beneath your carefully crafted facade.
And so, we talked. We talked about everything and nothing. But even as the night wore on and the hours slipped away, I couldn't shake the feeling of unease that lingered in the air. There was something about you, something lurking beneath the surface that I couldn't quite put my finger on.
Perhaps it was the way you made me feel alive. I never thought my heart could flutter again, never imagined I would yearn for someone's presence as I did for yours. There was a vulnerability in your sparkling tears that traced a path down your freckled cheeks, a vulnerability that spoke volumes without a single word uttered. And as you cried to me, believing everything was your fault.
That day, I couldn't see your face, but I could clearly imagine how your honey colored eyes sparkled with stars. I'm not sure why you took such a risky jump, but I could assume you did something reckless to feel something in return.
You said you wanted to make more memories, was that really a case, or did you just put your life at risk in hopes of feeling alive? To feel like you didn't just exist, but..
And then, just like that, you were gone. Vanished into the night without so much as a goodbye, leaving me to wonder if you had ever been real at all.
But your presence lingered, haunting me like a ghost from the past. Your scent still clung to my clothes, your words echoing in the recesses of my mind. And try as I might to forget you, to move on with my life, I found myself drawn back to that night, to the memory of you and the mystery you represented.
You were a glimpse into a world I had never known, a world of passion and desire, of longing and regret.
Spring once left its mark on me, but you made me hate it even more, if that was possible. On that warm night, with the scent of peaches lingering in the air, I summoned the courage to tell you how I felt. I stood there, my heart pounding, refusing to be the coward who buried his feelings inside once again.
But now, I question what I was so proud of. Would I utter those five words again, or would fear of the rejection that awaited silence me?
You see, you were a paradox wrapped in layers of complexity. you exuded warmth and light, yet there was a darkness that lurked within you, hidden beneath your infectious smile and laughter. You were like the spring itself, bringing with you the promise of new beginnings and growth, yet tainted by the memories of winter's past.
But it was this complexity that drew me to you, like a moth to a flame. I found myself captivated by the contradictions that made up your being, the way you could be both fiercely independent and achingly vulnerable in the same breath. You were a puzzle I longed to solve, a mystery waiting to be unraveled.
And yet, despite my best efforts, there were parts of you that remained forever out of reach.
You were like a book with pages missing, leaving me to wonder what secrets lay hidden within the empty spaces.
But perhaps that was what made you so irresistible. The mystery of blue hair, the enigma of your being, was a siren song that called out to me.
And now, as I sit here in the fading light of another spring day, I can't help but feel the weight of regret pressing down on me. The memory of that night, of the vulnerability I allowed myself to feel, lingers like a bitter taste in my mouth. For I know now that those five words, once spoken, cannot be unsaid. And as I watch the petals of the cherry blossoms drift away on the breeze, I wonder if you ever truly knew the depth of my feelings, or if they were lost in the silence of your absence.
