everything all the time

faint

TW - FAINTING - DIZZINES - MEDICAL SHIT

I cant focus

god why cant I focus?

1.

I was just in conf and I was fine

then siena said she want to talk

maybe I got scared?

she wanted to talk about grades

oh.

thats why,

I hate talking about grades

I get to lunch

I can't see straight

everything is spinning

2. 

siena starts talking about grades

I want to scream at her

"I don't care, siena. I really don't"

I zone out

I stop trying to defend myself

I have my way

fuck off about it

I go to history

im scared

3. 

I can't fail

or,

my dad.

I do well,

well-ish

anthony helped me

thank god

thanks anthony

I go to the track

I see kali

I immediately lay down

I can't see straight

I have a headache

im dizzy

everything is so slow

4.

I get to english

the test

no no no

I can't see the words

I leave to get my water bottle

I can't walk in a straight

I trip a few times

5. 

im scared im close to fainting

I text kali

I was gonna tell her I needed help

but I didn't

I just sat down in english

I skip practice

I was hot and dizzy

I couldn't do it

I go to the br in the fh

a few minutes after 

I faint.

i'm knocked out for god knows how long

I wake up

I get my ass off the floor

and nearly run to the vending machines

to go get me food

my mom says she is here

I run to her car

practice wasn't over

I skip rehearsals

I was given 5 signs this was going to happen

somehow

I chose not to listen

I forced myself to stay through the day

I should've called my mom

I should've listened

I hate fainting

it happens everyday

I hate this

I

h

a

t

e

f

a

i

n

t

i

n

g

im so done

maybe I should tell my parents

no it adds

it adds to my list

depression

anxiety

eating disorder

*****mania

bpd

now what?

vasovagal syncope?

vasovagal syncope:  A sudden drop in heart rate and blood pressure leading to fainting, often in reaction to a stressful trigger. Common triggers include strain, stress, long periods of standing, heat exposure, or the sight of blood. Symptoms include paleness, nausea, sweating, a rapid heartbeat, and fainting. Treatment usually involves trigger avoidance.

another thing to the list.

dear fucking god.