everything all the time

touch

TW // ABUSE

I was having a good day

don't mess this up please

- 

I get home

I chill for a little

take a nap

my sister runs into my room

"he's home"

no, not again, please not today. 

where is my mom? please tell me she took her medicine today, I need her. where is she? no fuck she is sleeping. what am I gonna do. I start to scream in my head,

"MAMA PLEASE. JUST WAKE UP. MAMA I DONT WANT TO BE HIT. MAMA WAKE UP, WHY IS IT WHEN I NEED YOU, YOU ARE FUCKING SLEEPING"

he calls me down

no.. please linn don't do this to me.

I walk down

he looks upset.

no. not again. i've seen this before. I don't want to. im tired. linn this isn't fair.

I say in my nicest and most cheerful voice I could possibly pull off.

"Hi dad, how are you!"

he looks at me in disgust, he looks like he has never had a worser view.

"Isa, what the fuck is wrong with you?"

oh no. what did I fucking do. what could I have possibly fucked up now.

"what happened?"

I start to speak nervously. I didn't know if that was my time to talk.

"You left every single fucking mess in the sink."

no, stella, bro you fucking promised, you swore, you told me to go lay down.

"Im sorry, I thought-"

I guess I started mumbling and getting quieter because he yelled, again.

"Speak up. What are you? Retarded?"

"No dad-" 

He interrupted me. I felt tears well up.

"Oh look now you are fucking crying. again. you fucking pathetic little fuck"

I can't speak, i'm frozen.

"I'm sorry. ill make sure ill clea-"

interrupted me. again.

"Is that sass I hear?"

I shake my head.

He is directly in front of me now.

He slaps me to the floor.

here we go again.

my sister comes in.

I start to scream at my sister. 

"STELLA. NO PLEASE. GO. GO. GO SLEEP"

she is hysterical. 

my dad walks up to her about to yell and hit her.

I made the decision to throw a pen at him.

he walks back to me, the anger in his eyes made mine turn into fear, leaving my sister to go and run.

he picks me up off the floor by grabbing me by the neck and raising me up to not be able to get to the floor. 

I couldn't breathe. 

he dropped me back to the ground making me wail in pain.

 im crying, hysterically at this point, in pain.

he decided that dropping and choking me wasn't enough, so he kicked me.

in the face, in the stomach, on my chest, on my neck, the back of my knees, my back. everywhere.

my vision got blurry and the black after I got one more hit to the head.

I wake up on the floor.

it was 2 am,

it was 7 o'clock previously.

I try to get up.

I squeak in pain. 

I look at my body,

I entirely covered in bruises.

I sat for a few minutes crying.

my mind wanders to my siblings.

fuck where are they.

I crawl my way to the stairs and up,

my knees don't work, nor my legs.

I see them sleeping in their own beds. 

I get to my room.

I lay on my bed.

I start to laugh at how awful my life is,

and then crying.

but of course,

he acted perfectly normal,

the next day.