starting our lives New

chapter 41

     Edward pov

"I'm pleading with you now Bella because I can't fucking handle if you did that to me and you made that type of decision it stop my heart insteadly no if and or buts. I am in that water permanently and our daughter if she comes back doesn't have me. Because you can't restart my heart again because you're the only one that can and I'm the only one who can you. We both made the solemn promise of that Bella. Before we can never die. Shut down happens if we're not close and connected in the water by so many hours both our hearts stop until they connect us together and that person recharges and figures out what I told her in the first place in fact always true. That I cannot live without you Bella I love you too God damn much to lose you and the precious beautiful gift you gave like that. I just can't baby. It's just like when I had to make your heart stop beating and I had to do that and I felt like I killed the person I loved most precious to my heart in the moment and that is why I will always turn away when I remembered that because I did before I even did it because my heart was breaking before I even put those paddles to your chest but I still couldn't put them them close to your heart." My head fell against hers and I squeezed my eyes shut as I finally let that go and it felt amazing to do it to and my wife gently ran her hand softly through my hair again and I smiled that new smile and looked at her looked at her in the eyes and she spoke to me with them.

I could never do that to you. Besides I would have you take us immediately to our true home. Only you and our kids can only disappear until it's and only will know that alone. I will not! That's the difference between the connections and who I am from my mother and where we were convinced and born that we joined again.

"You mean when you and I and when you and the grandma mira showed up after more or less?" I asked her and she nodded her head yes.

"Oh, wow! That right there is mind blowing and fucking amazing at the same time but it also as a bad point about it too when you think about it another way." Then I had to hurry and catch her hand before it even left her body.

"Don't even think about Bella or steaks tonight!" I felt it and I saw it written all over her face then she spoke with her eyes.

You, wouldn't dare! Besides you love me too fucking much.

I feel off the mattress busting out laughing so hard at my wife on that one and how she changed tactics on me that fast without a care in the world and throw what I been trying to tell her all along.

That was fucking amazing. Then I cringed when I felt her pain.

"Ohh, baby it's time for your low dose medications. Doc!" I hurried and picked up the laptop.

"Momma okay baby girl. This is normal healing process and momma is going to feel pain and when I feel that bad I really know momma just being stubborn again and I have to get her comfortable again. See daddy taking very good care of momma for you so when we see you again she will be able to hold you in her arms. Now she might not be able to walk. But you might be able to go on very fast adventure momma though. Would you like that baby girl?" Hope nodded her head with that tiny little smile on her face.

"Now daddy loves you very much and he promises he will make Grandpa Swan go funny for you when I want to see that beautiful face of yours. Okay baby girl!" She nodded her head and waved her so very little tiny hand at me. I kissed my hand and blew her and kissed and then gently waved my hand at her as I shut down the laptop and set it on the beside table and picked up my wife and held my wife like I always do when my sister gave her meds.

"That's my girl!" I whispered for the first time in a long time in her ear and I felt how that made her feel when I said that to her again.

That was our one thing from the beginning was those words I kept telling her even though we weren't nothing showing her she was safe and she was doing an amazing job without giving anything away, in away.