Harmony Lost : A tale of Rivalry and Stardom twice and skz ff

3 : I want to be

March 6th

MINHO POV

"That was a close one." I say after seeing Jihyo leave and heading towards Jisung. "I can't believe you called me babe in front of her!" Jisung laughs and pouts.

He gets closer to me and gives me a peck on the cheek.

"When will you tell her about us?" He asks. "It's been months." I sigh.

"I can't. She needs me right now." I tell him.
He rolls his eyes. "Oh well." He answers.

He kisses me and holds me by my waist. When he lets go I giggle.

I feel really guilty lying and cheating on Jihyo like this. If anything, she deserves the world. I wanted to tell her about me and Jisung but It couldn't have came at an any worse time.

It looks like she's going through something and I want to help her but I'm not sure how. It's one thing to cheat on her but while she's going through something is basically kicking her while she's down.

I'm not heartless.

All of this happened a few weeks before me and Jihyo started dating. The members were saying I should date her and we would look good together but little did they know me and Jisung had feelings for each other.

I wasn't able to tell them because of what they might have said and the problems that would happen if it was revealed so I stayed quiet and Jisung did too.

Later on, Jihyo told me she had feelings for me and when I looked at her in her eyes I couldn't say no.

I know it's wrong to lead someone on like this, but as a friend, I really just want her to be happy.

She seems so happy when we're together.

That's why when we were laying on my bed I couldn't help but cry. How can I hurt an angel like her?

I couldn't even say a word to her.
I feel so stupid for being gay. If only I wasn't attracted to Jisung maybe I could love her too.

Maybe I could feel something. But I only love her as a friend.

I head to the living room and see Jeongin looking out the window. He seemed startled.

"You okay?" I ask. "Uh...yeah." He answers. "Why were you looking out the window?" I ask curiously.

"I uh...saw something weird."

I've known Jeongin for years. Something is definitely bothering him. I just couldn't put a pin on it.

I sat down on the couch and turned on the TV. Silence lingered for a while until Jeongin decided to say something.

"How long is this...you lying to Jihyo thing going to last?" He asks me a bit sad. "I already told you. When things are well for her." I answer.

"But if that's so, then you'll just make things bad. You have to tell her at some point. You can't hide it forever-"

"Shut up. You don't think I know that? I'm trying." I snap. I already feel guilty enough I don't need him reminding me.

"If you care about her so much then just date her in my place." I say stupidly.

He looks at me for a while and sighs.

"You're so horrible to her."

I freeze to those words.

"You're just hurting her. Don't you see?" He says. "She's better off without someone like you." He tells me.

He walks up to his room and comes back with a hoodie that he puts on. He opens the door to leave.

"Where are you going?" I say.

"I'm going to date her in your place."

He then proceeds to walk out and slam the door shut.

"What was that noise?" Jisung says coming from his room. I look at him and shrug.

I run away to my room.
I'm so tired. My head hurts too. Jeongin is right, I'm hurting her. I just can't seem to say what I want to say to her.

I can't put the words together.

I sit down on my bed and my heart starts beating quickly.

"I'm sorry." I whisper. "Im so sorry." I repeat those words over and over.

My vision starts to blur and I can barely grasp if this is even reality. I want this to be a dream. I want to escape this cruel life.

I want to live without worries, I want to date someone without being worried about what others might think, about what my fandom might think.

I want to be a kpop idol and not be judged, and not be insulted and called horrible words, I want to be a kpop idol that everyone likes and that doesn't cause any problems.

I want to be a kpop idol without scandals. Without rumours. Without tears. Without pain. Without rage.

I want to be a kpop idol like that. But being that comes at what cost?

Suddenly Jisung comes into my room and sees tears streaming down my face. "Where's Jeongin?- oh, are you okay?" He says.

He sits next to me on my bed and hugs me. "Don't cry. If it's about Jihyo, I know that this is hard for you."  He tells me.

I feel safe in his arms as his hands brush my hair while whispering in my ear those words.

"I love you." He says.
"I love you too."

                                ~~~~~~~~~~
           OOF, a bit emotional chapter for my             crybabies out there :3