𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 || Kazu x Scara

Chapter XIII

~*~

That day, Kazuha spent the night over at Tomo's house. He wanted to grieve a bit longer before having to go back to his house.

Kazuha slept in Tomo's bed. The very same bed they almost told each other "I love you" in. Kazuha felt that it was partially his fault Tomo hesitated. Tomo was so brave and he came out to his mother because he truly cared for Kazuha. On the other hand, Kazuha was unable to do the same. He was too scared of his parents to even breathe a word about his feelings towards Tomo. So perhaps that was the reason Tomo was so hesitant because he didn't want to pressure Kazuha and stress him out. If Tomo were to have said those three words, he knew Kazuha would have felt guilty for still keeping him a secret. He knew Kazuha wouldn't have felt worthy of those three words.

Now, Kazuha regrets it all. His parents knew anyway, so feeling all that guilt was pointless. Kazuha was mad at himself.

He could hardly sleep that night. So many thoughts kept him up that he never got to relax. He felt so much pain and had so many regrets. He wishes things would've gone differently.

Kazuha looked around the room once more and memories of his time with Tomo in this room played in his head like a cinematic movie. Kazuha has no more tears to cry. He cried too hard and for too long. He has to deal with the pain of not being able to release his emotions. He so desperately wanted to cry but he couldn't, which made him feel worse.

The following morning, Kazuha ate breakfast with Tomo's mom. The food was good but the energy was heartbreaking. Usually, when all three of them would eat together, Tomo was the one who lightened up the atmosphere, making it very lively. His talkative nature made others smile and now that he's gone from the dining table, only silence remains. Tomo's mom and Kazuha couldn't bring themselves to talk. They ate in silence as they occasionally glanced at the chair where Tomo always sat.

Tomo's mom has visible eye bags under her eyes. Her eyes are also swollen and red, clear evidence that she had been crying all night. Kazuha sympathized with her situation. She lost both her husband and her son to the same illness and now she has been left alone. Kazuha always believed she was a strong woman who had endured many hardships so he respected her.

When they finished eating, Kazuha thanked her for the food and prepared himself to leave. He stood at the doorway, saying goodbye to Tomo's mom. She hugged him and began crying into his shoulder. Kazuha gritted his teeth. He wanted to cry so bad but he felt so numb. When she pulled away from the hug, she wiped her tears. "I've decided that I'm going to move to another country. Hopefully, I'll be able to start new there and be able to recover from these emotional wounds inflicted on me."

Kazuha could only nod his head. He is happy that she came to this conclusion, but he also felt like the world was moving on while he was still stuck in the same place. Maybe she could move on and start anew, but he felt like he could never emotionally recover. He feels as if the death of his best friend will haunt him for years to come.

Tomo's mom reached into her pocket and she took out an envelope. "Tomo wanted me to give this to you. He said that once you see it you'll probably get mad and throw it away, but he still wanted to leave his final thoughts with you nonetheless."

Tomo was right, Kazuha was mad. If Tomo wrote this that means that he had come to terms with his death and was patiently awaiting it. Despite his anger, he still took the letter and stuffed it in his pocket.