Why would I do that? (an ohmnanon fanfic)

I wish I could.

Ohm's POV:

I was so disappointed in myself. I couldn't even face myself, let alone Nanon. It was only a few days ago that he said I was a good older brother, and now I am sitting in my car with a headache, looking like a mess in front of him. 

"I am sorry, Non," I said, looking down at my fiddling hands.

"Ohm, as I said before, we should go home first, then I'll talk with you." Nanon's voice was stern, almost commanding me to blurt out my head as soon as we reach home—I mean, the condo we are sharing.

"Can you not be angry at me?" I blurted out, almost feeling tears to the brim of my eyes.

That was when Nanon stopped the car, finding the nearest place to park it.

"Should I not be angry? You disappeared in the middle of the night, saying you were going to Lucas's place because you wanted to clear your mind. Then, as soon as I reached the shooting location, which you were supposed to take me back from, by the way, I spent the whole day telling people I didn't know where you were because I had no idea. That is when I got to know that you called the shoot off at the last minute. Do you even know how far my thoughts went to scare me to the extent that I had to call Lucas to find out where you are? And then he told me, that my roommate, my friend, the guy who is always around me, is drunk on his bed, in his room, speaking gibberish. Should I not be worried about you? Should I not be angry that you just disappeared in thin air?" 

All I could do was look down at my hands, which were fidgeting; I had nothing to say or respond to. He was right. He said exactly what I was afraid to hear. He is angry and disappointed in me. I let him down. I was never good enough to start with, and now I have disappointed the one person who has always put his trust in me. I'll never be anything more than a disappointment. 

All my life, I have been trying to do the best I can. People thought I had OCD, but it was the fear, the fear of disappointing the people I love. I was raised in a happy household; all my life I was pampered, taken care of, and heard. When I was old enough, my father got transferred, and because I couldn't leave my education, I had to shift to a boarding school. I stayed in that place for most of my teenage life. As a pampered kid, I was not very used to handling situations and dealing with things myself, but the teenage me took it as a challenge to survive without my parents' guidance, to let them know that I am grown enough and they should worry about Thai more. I have been independent since I was 19 years old, which was also the year I met Nanon. but that little kid inside me is still scared to be itself. nanon always says I am too polite to people. I don't have the guts to tell him that politeness was the one thing that was lacking when I was growing up, and I don't want anyone to go through what I have been through my entire life. It was painful for me; it mustn't be painful for anyone else I know. 

I was so pulled into my train of thoughts that I did not realise I had started crying. Nanon must have seen that, because he pulled me in for a hug. The warmth of his hug—he is not supposed to do that; I should not feel that way; he is my friend. 

"Are you okay, Ohm?"

"I am, Nanon. Please don't be angry with me. I request you; I can plead in front of you if you want; please don't be disappointed in me."

"I am not disappointed, ohm." He didn't let go of the hug. "I was just worried about you."

He wiped off my tears and looked at my eyes. I just saw the comfort in those eyes. Am I supposed to see it in my best friend's eyes? I guess that is not a big deal. I just don't want him to let me go.

"Let's go home, shall we?" Did he say home? Did I hear him right? He called my condo our home.

I just gave him a little nod, and he drove off to our place, OUR HOME.  

........

When I reached home, it was around 6 in the evening. I took a long nap until Nanon called me out for dinner. We had dinner in absolute silence. I wanted to ask him about the hangout we planned to do on Saturday, but it just did not feel like the right moment to do so. 

We went to our rooms around 9:30. I usually plan my next day around this time, and I go to sleep around 10. But for the first time in so long, neither I wanted to sleep nor plan for tomorrow; if anything, I did not want tomorrow to come. 

I was just lying on my bed, making mental notes of all I have to do so that I don't forget anything, when I heard a knock on my door. 

"Can I come in, Ohm? I want to talk." Nanon spoke from the other side of the door.

"Sure, Non."

"I am sorry to disturb you; I just wanted to ask you something."

"Go ahead."

"Why couldn't it be me?"

"What?"

"You said you were going to Lucas's place to clear your mind. you said you wanted to have a friend-to-friend conversation. Why couldn't you have the conversation with me? Ohm? Am I not a good friend? Or, do you think now that we are roommates, we should keep a private space between the two of us?"

"No, Nanon, it's nothing like that. I don't want you to overthink this. I love you, and I am still your friend. And just like before, we are each other's personal space."

"Then what was it that you had to drink it out, or talk to Lucas about, that you couldn't share it with me?"

I wish I could tell you, Non. I really wish I could. I have been feeling so guilty for not being the best version of myself and letting my feelings get the best of me. As you said, you know the most sorted version of me, and showing you the sloppy version of me scares me. I really am not the best person, Non. I can never be.

"I just miss home."

"That's it? That's your worry?"

"Why don't we cancel the movie on Saturday and you go spend the weekend at your home."

"No, Nanon, I already promised you."

"It's not a big deal, Ohm."

"It is to me. Let's do this. We go to the movie in the afternoon, and then we go to my home. Mom and Thai have been missing you for too long, and then you can just spend the night there."

"I miss Aunty and Thai too. Do you think we should call Thai and Nonnie too for the movies?"

"No, it's just us and our moments."

"Okay, okay, big baby."

"You can call her at my place, though. She can spend the night too. We can have a night stay."

"I'll talk to her about it. I'll go to sleep now; I haven't slept since yesterday afternoon."

"Fun dee na, Non."

"Fun dee."

A/N: a long chapter, after so long, the emotion this chapter contains is too much for me as well. just to keep it out there, my college has started, but i would still try my best to update every day, i might take a break next week (a break from wattpad.) so i might not be updating next week, but i'll try to update extra this week to make up for that.