Forbidden Love

Chapter 21

I felt like I was suffocating. I jumped up short of breath, breathing heavily to allow the oxygen back in. Back in my own room, the light shot through the crack in the curtains. My body ached. I trailed my hand down my leg and felt the old scar from the accident. Scars seemed to be everywhere on me. My name is very fitting. Like that boy had said, 'your names scar because of all your scars.' He was right. Now I guess Kellin's going to get a couple, to match his scarred up girlfriends name, great. I rubbed my temples. Even though I was happier, I felt so low, it was strange, this feeling. I felt so so mad and I don't know why, well, I feel like it's my fault this has happened to him you know, if I'd have just been there...

"Fuck it," I whispered, getting out of bed and locking the door. I dropped to my knees in front of my suitcase. Strewing aside various items of clothing I finally found it. Picking it up I crawled over to the corner of my room, pushing myself hard against the wall. I knew this was going to hurt but...I needed it to, I deserve this. I revealed my wrist. God it had healed so much, the scars were nothing but silvery pink lines now. Taking the violet box I had to apply force to the lid as I hadn't opened it in so long.

Ah there. The lid lifted, showing them. The silver weapons. Taking one, my hand was steady. Moving closer and closer and closer... There. It was cold. Just do it you wimp. The voice in my head was unsettling, familiar. Fuck, ouch. I drove it down as tears spilled from my eyes. Soon after the blood came. I need this. I need this. My subconscious was bulling, driving. I lifted it, placing it above a clean sliver of skin. Stop. Please just stop. I felt the evil voice in my head evaporate. Loosening my fingers I let the blade drop to the floor. Suddenly Kellin's face crossed my mind. "He's going to hate me."

I held my arm as I wrapped my old pair of pyjamas around the gash. "Why did I do this?" I murmured focusing on applying pressure. I have no self control. No disciple against my own body. The door handle turned, a few rapid knocks at the door proceeded. "Scarlett!" Another three knocks. "Scarlett!"

"I'll be out in just a second Molly!" I scurried around the room, hiding the box and pulling my dressing gown over myself. I threw my case over the patch of blood on the floor and unlocked the door. Molly flew in. "Scar, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." No actually I'm a damn fucking pathetic wreck.

"You don't look fine."

"I am."

"Look, Scar, you're not going to want to hear this but I've been talking to Robert."

"About what?" She took a deep breath. "Kellin doesn't want you to go to the hospital."

My heart stopped. "W-why?"

Molly took my hand. "He said he loves you and he doesn't want you to be upset seeing him like this."

"Well that's a bit fucking difficult..."

"What?"

"He nearly died in my arms Molly! I honestly don't think that I could see him in any worse state! Seeing that, his eyes close, for him to be covered in blood, practically pulse less, in a hospital bed hooked up to machines, it's been tearing me apart..."

"He's only doing this because he cares about you, because he loves you so much... He's only thinking about you Scar."

"I know but I can't believe he'd think this would make things any better."

"I know what you mean." My arm tingled with pain and I gripped it unconsciously. "What's wrong with your arm?"

"Nothing. It's nothing."

"Scarlett I don't know why you keep things from me."

"Molly I love you, as my friend I don't want you getting hurt."