Suntok sa Buwan

Entry #3

"PKNBSAB"
arannlc

"Kanina ka pa tulala dyan, Ry. Balak mo bang subukan?"

Binasa ko ang labi kong nanunuyo na dahil sa kabang nararamdaman habang binabasa ang guidelines for this one anthology na balak kong salihan.

Kinakabahan ako kasi English ang language requirement at hindi ako magaling doon. Mas sagad ako sa paggamit ng TagLish, though it wasn't considered as a language and just a mix of both, dahil doon ako mas nakakapag-express ng thoughts ko.

Bumuga ako ng hangin at inilapag ang phone ko. "English kasi, e," I told Leo at napakamot sa ulo ko. "Nagsi-struggle ako sa ganoong language. Nagwo-worry ako na baka maging stiff lang ang narration ko."

"Magaling kang magsulat, Ry. You just have to believe in yourself and break your self-limiting beliefs. The more that you're doubting yourself, the more na makukulong ka sa thinking na hindi mo kaya," he said sincerely.

I puffed a breath. Looking into the requirements and the numbers of anticipating authors who wanted to join the said anthology, I'm sure I'm no match to them.

"Suntok sa buwan namang makapasa sa PaperKat Books," I whispered to myself and shrugged off the idea.

Days later, the post of the Lady Boss of PaperKat Books, the woman I looked up to and I admired the most, kept on showing up in my feed. It was like giving me a sign to gamble and cage my dreams in my hands.

Even though it feels like you're punching in the air rather than punching the moon.

"Ry, are you ready?"

I was with Leo, we are currently at the state university we planned to apply for college. To be honest, this is one of those moments where I'm trying if I could really punch the moon. Cuz if not, baka tumigil ako sa pag-aaral pag hindi ako pumasa.

"Kinda," I replied, eyes on my phone and still scanning Kath's post. "I really wish I had the confidence para mag-join dito. . ."

"Sumali ka na. Matanggap ka man or hindi, at least, you know that you've tried. Besides, I'm here when you need help," he patted my shoulder. "Try it, and you'll know. Isa pa, hindi din naman malayo ang buwan. Lagi syang nakasunod sayo which means para siya sayo."

Humigpit ang hawak ko sa telepono ko habang malalim na pinag-iisipan kung susubukan ko nga ba. After all, as an aspiring writer, one of my childhood dreams is to have my book published. Wala din namang mawawala kung susubukan ko, hindi ba?

Thus, that night, I tried to write. Naka ilang draft ako sa papel kasi mas sanay akong magsulat doon ng draft kaysa sa cellphone. I also didn't tell anyone about my plan on submitting this piece because I'm afraid I will fail. Hindi naman overnight mawawala ang doubts sa sarili kaya if playsafe man ang tawag dito, then be it.

At ilang beses din akong naki-cringe sa entry ko. I also planned outlining the story para may sundan ako kahit pa it's just a short story. Ilang beses na ding ni-review ni Leo at binigyan ng feedback para umayos ang piece ko.

"Honestly, nawawalan na ako ng pag-asa. Tingin ko, hindi papasa itong entry ko." Bagsak ang balikat na wika ko kay Leo nang muli syang may ipina-correct sa manuscript ko.

"Trust the process, Ry. May nasimulan ka na. Hindi naman lahat ng mga nagsisimula ay nagtatagumpay agad. Dumadaan muna sila sa butas ng karayom bago maabot ang gusto nilang abutin," paliwanag nya. "The same goes for me or to anyone. As long as you are trying and trusting the process, nothing could go wrong. You still have two months. Two months to revise this. Edit and rewrite. You can do it." He told me with conviction. "Maaabot mo ang buwan."

That gave me courage to continue. He's right after all. Wala namang bagay na napagtatagumpayan na hindi muna gumapang at naranasan ang pag-iyak, kawalan ng pag-asa, at paglalaan ng oras na eh. Alam kong pagtapos nito, matanggap man ang piece ko para sa Love in Style o hindi, tatatag ako. At mas magiging malakas pa.

Hence, I spent my two months trying to write, edit, and revise hanggang sa maka-graduate na ako sa Grade 12 at pumasa na din sa college admission. Palihim pa rin akong umaasa na sana ay may patunguhan ang pagpapasa ko ng entry ko.

And when the judgement day comes, I sent it.

Only to be epic.

"Leo, kulang yung pinasa ko," I cried to him when we enrolled in the university. "Walang synopsis. Super messy pa ng email draft. Wala pa namang unsent sa Gmail."

"Huh?" He got so worried as well na we had to take a look at the email I sent. "Hala, nagreply na ba?"

I bit my lip and shook my head. "Hindi pa. . . kinakabahan ako kasi ilang beses kong nababasa sa mga instructions noon kay Miss Kath na she's very particular pagdating sa pagsunod sa instructions nya. Anong gagawin ko?" kinakabahan talaga ang boses ko.

"Kaya mo na 'yan, malaki ka na."

Hinampas ko siya sa balikat. "Leo naman!"

"Wala din akong idea. Let's just wait for the verdict, okay?"

And so I waited.

Those waiting hours feel like a time bomb. 'Yon nga lang, ang buwan ang magsisilbing time bomb para sa akin.

Until I received an email saying I passed the evaluation.

Swear, the feeling was like I was literally punching the moon!

By God's grace, I did it.

I did punch the moon the moment I sent my entry.

And I was so glad I tried.

-

Happy 8th month, Team UM!

This is the main reason kung bakit tayo may tagline na "sabay sabay nating suntukin ang buwan."