You Are Dead But Alive

EPILOGUE

Huling araw at Huling tanaw

Maaga akong napabangon dahil sa sama ng aking pakiramdam. Tinanggal ko ang mga kamay ni Mark na mahigpit na nakayakap sa akin. Tumungo ako sa CR at sumuka. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ko ito nararamdaman na wala naman akong kinaing nakakasama sa tiyan. Then, I went to cuisine and get some hot water. I stir a coffee for me na baka may hangin lang ’yong tiyan ko kaya’t nasusuka ako. It’s not yet time para gumising si Mark but, I found him walking down the stairs.

“Kaya pala wala kana sa tabi ko. Ang sarap pa naman ng tulog ko pag ikaw ang kasama. Ang aga mo namang gumising Miah. ” Bungad niya sabay halik sa aking pisngi.

“Parang masama pakiramdam ko e. Nasusuka ako, hangin lang siguro. ” Aniko. His face got worried.

“Pupunta tayo sa doktor mamaya. Baka buntis ka. ” Aniya sabay agaw sa kape na nasa kamay ko. Saka ko na naalala na may nangyari pala sa amin noong nagdaang linggo.  I smirked and looked at his hunky body and attractive face.

He took me in the car and then buckled the belt. He’s silently driving and seriously focus his eyes on the way and not even taking a glimpse on me.

Pagdating namin sa Hospital, he immediately open the door. “Tara na, dahan-dahan lang. ” Wika niya.

Agad kaming pumasok sa loob at kinausap ang doktor. While the doctor is checking me, Mark can’t put his self aside. He stepped at the room back and forth.

“You’re pregnant and it is a boy.” A doctor said. I am so happy after knowing that we have a baby.

“You’re not kidding me, Doc?” Mark seriously asked. The doctor nodded and shows us the ultrasound. I just sneered and smile curves on my face.

Tumatalon-talon pa si Mark nang malamang magkababy na kami.  We both happy because we ’re now called  “ Family”.

Pagkatapos, lumabas na kami. I decided to to go home to rest but Mark asked me to go everywhere. I nodded and gave him his wish.

“This place. Dito kita natagpuang nag-iisang naglalakad kaya hinabol kita. ” Mark said and point out the street kung saan hinabol niya ako at kinuha ang diary mula sa aking mga kamay.  Bata pa kami no’n.

“Oo, dito mo rin pinadugo ang ilong ko. ” Humagikhik siya sa tinuran ko.

“Then, if ever I weren’t around, just went here and find me. ” He said. There is complexity in my minds to the words he often released. No’ng nasa bahay pa kami, he said that I am his therapy. Then, no’ng nagdaang mga buwan, in the silent and cold place, sabi niya, titingala lang ako sa itaas at alalahanin ang kaniyang mga titig. Naku naman!

“Why would I search for you? If you were here already?” tanong ko. Napakamot naman siya sa kaniyang ulo.

“Tara na nga, hirap mong kausap. ” aniya. 

Naglalakad lang kami sa tabing-daan when there is a car which has no break. Nawalan ito ng preno at habang tinitingnan ko ito ay parang siya’y nakasentro sa amin.

“Miah!” A last word I heard after Mark’s had sheltered me from the accident. Blurry na ’yong paningin ko but I force myself to stand at yayakapin si Mark.

I was standing teary and hopeless after watching him bloody and gasping.

“Mark, please...wag kang mawawala, kailangan kita!” humagulhol ako sa aking nakita. Nanghihina na ang kaniyang mga mata at dahan-dahang pumikit. Nilapitan ko siya’t niyakap ng napakahigpit. “Mark naman, hinayaan mo nalang sana na ako nalang ’yong bundulin ng sasakyan. Bakit mo iyon ginawa?”

“B-because I l-love y-you. I had been promised to you that I will s-save you to the rest of my l-life. ” He stuttered. Alam kong nahihirapan na siyang magsalita at sumusuka na siya ng dugo.

“Mark, paano na ang anak natin? Diba pangako mo sa akin na hindi mo ako iiwanang mag-isa?”

“Y-you’re not a-alone a-anymore. Alagaan mo lang ang anak natin at ipapangalan mo sa kaniya ang pangalan ko. Kahit hindi ko na siya makikita, maging masaya na ako do’n. Promise me...t-that, h-hindi mo siya pababayaan. I love so much, M-Miah!” Napahagulhol ako nang malakas at tuluyan naring pumatak yaong mga luha sa aking mga mata. “I’ll entrust you my son, please take care of him. Love him more than how I love you my wife. ”  Then Mark closes his eyes. There is a silence which breaks me apart. His hands fall from my back and I can’t feel that he is breathing anymore. I can’t accept that he is now gone and he didn’t even fulfill his promises to stay with me forever. Why aren’t we destined for each other? If  there is only time machine, I wish I can go back to the way we always laugh and smile together and won’t let time to travel. I am willing to be a chunky so that I can stop it turning and won’t let those times passes.

After 5 years.

I looked up the stars that shines so bright. “Yong dating hiniling mo na titingala lang ako sa mga bituin at buwan, ngayon ay hindi na naging makatotohanan. I would no longer staring above the sky, instead of staring at your tarpaulin below the gray and dark skies. ” I said at yumuko sa kaniyang puntod. My tears flows such as falls and all of the things around me are seems so blurred.

“Mommy, who is he?” My son asked me. He stand right infront of Mark’s tarpaulin. Ngumingiti pa siya sa amin ng anak niya.

“He is your father, Mark. He died 5 years ago. ” Paliwanag ko sa anak ko.

“You  are dead in my eyes but you are alive in my memory. ” Usal ko at tumayo mula sa kaniyang puntod. Hinawakan ko ang kamay ng aking anak na kamukhang-kamukha niya at dahan-dahang tumalikod at humakbang papalayo sa kaniyang puntod. Sometimes, life are not always meant to be happy.