Deadly

25.

Celestia

I have been in the foulest mood all-day

I don't know why

I genuinely don't have a reason, I finished my period last week, I'm definitely not pregnant and no one has been anything but nice to me

I think today my mind has just decided to be a complete bitch

I've pretty much ignored Saint all day other than the 'im fine' or simple 'k' texts

I've booked everything in so that tomorrow I can have a bit of a revamp

I've booked a nail appointment, a day at the spa and a hairdresser appointment

And I'm meeting papàs tattoo artist to give me a new one the day after tomorrow

I have a few tattoos but they're pretty much all mafia-related

I have papàs mafias symbol, my 'la vipera' symbol, a viper along my spine and one on my left hand; it's a sun into a moon into a star fine line tattoo. It's cute, I thought it was perfect to represent my name

The next one I'm getting is Amore in red cursive along the side of my right-hand

It's around 4:30 pm now and I'm just laying, staring at my ceiling

Me and Saint have been together for about three weeks, I think I'm catching feelings too fast

Maybe I should pull away

Just a tad

Nothing drastic I just don't know how to feel about the new abundance of happiness I feel each day

It's kind of overwhelming

I always fucking do this

"Fucking bullshit" I sit up and comb my hands through my hair

I hate days like this

When everything feels grey and I can't tell if it will last weeks or hours

When I'm so tired but not sleepy

When I wish I could drown everything out

I grab my weed stuff out of my draw and roll a spliff before heading to my balcony

I light it and inhale as I look out to the city lights

"Bambina" a soft voice comes through my train of endless thoughts

I turn to Alonso as he sits next to me

"Ciao," I say emotionless, offering him the weed

He takes it and inhales as I lay my legs over his and my head on his shoulder

"Are you okay amore mio?" he strokes the hair out of my face

"Everything's happening a bit too fast for me" I whisper

He kisses the top of my head and puts out the spliff before holding me closer

"I remember when your dad took you out of that can, you were so tiny with the cutest nose and bright blue eyes" he leans his head on mine as a small smile graces my face

"Your black hair was all crazy and you had bright pink cheeks, as soon as Lorenzo held you, you stopped crying and he fell in love with you. Then I held you I just wondered who could let go of such a perfect little thing like you" he pets my hair as I tighten my hold on him

"And when you grew up you were always the bravest, the smartest and of course the deadliest" he chuckles "but I always thought if you ever needed to leave or just take a breather, I would do anything I possibly could to do that for you. Because you will always be my little girl Celestia" he kisses my head again "no matter what"