Just a little bit out of my limit

Coming out - Part 2

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Hey again, I'm here to give you a small warning. In this part of the story, self harming is used and is described graphically. If you've done it before or don't want any triggers, then please don't read "day 3". Hope you enjoy this chapter! - Kieran
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~Michael's POV~
"We never should have come out to the world. I thought people would be more accepting of the love we had between each other, but it seems that they weren't. It's now been 3 days since we came out, and the consequences of it were devastating; it ruined everything; I ruined everything. I never should have pressurised Calum into doing it. I knew he wouldn't take the hate that well, but I didn't think he would take it this bad." I said to the phone. It felt good to finally talk to someone about it. I was sitting on a patch of grass in my garden, and the sky as so black that I struggled to keep my eyes open - in a way, it was too dark.
The voice on the other side of my phone answered. "You took a risk Michael, we all do that in relationships okay? It's not your fault, you didn't know what would happen. Do you want to talk to me about what happened then?" She spoke in a careful tone to me.
"Yes, please, I would love to. I need to talk to someone about this. Something happened on each of the days leading up to today. There was 3 days." I hesitated. It was hard for me to open up to someone I hardly knew about my relationship problems. "On the first day..."
---day 1---
Our first responses were good. People seemed to take it very well. We had thousand of fans tweeting us about "how they already knew" and things like that. It was cute of them to take it so well. But the fans were not what me and Calum were worried about: it was the press.
Luke had left me and Calum on our own. Calum was sitting on his desk and was on his computer, scrolling through all of the articles, looking for what people said about us. This need for other peoples acceptance was a problem of Calum's and I was determined to change that for him.
Most of them were positive but Calum took them in a negative way. He didn't want people to know and he felt uncomfortable with it I know that, but I thought he would at least change his mind once he saw the positive feedback that we had gotten from everyone.
"I'm afraid." Calum said as he looked up at me. His eyes were bloodshot red, he looked tired and upset. I turned the swivel chair around so Calum was facing me. I got onto my knees so I was looking up at Calum. I placed my arms on his legs and I rested my head on them and looked up at him.
"Don't be sweetie. There's nothing to be afraid of." I said as I comforted him. He gripped his hands onto the arm rest and started to shake. I got up from my knees and I wrapped my arms around him. I put one arm under his skinny legs, and the other rested below his soft neck. I picked him up from the chair and I carried him to the sofa. I carefully dropped him down onto the soft cushions. Calum had tears in his eyes.
"There is everything to be afraid of. So many people will fucking hate on us and bully us. I can't deal with people fucking hating on me again." Calum said as his body shook and water dropped down from his gorgeous hazel eyes. I tried not to cry: seeing him in this state made it difficult for me but I was going to be the strong one; I needed to be the strong one.
"Just try and sleep babe." I whispered to Calum as I pulled the blanket up to his neck.
---day 2---
We had decided to go on a walk and get some fresh air, we had been stuck inside that house for a couple of days now and it just didn't help with the situation. I thought that maybe by taking Calum on a walk and showing him how the world doesn't care about us would change his mind, but boy I was wrong.
We were walking along the road that was going downhill from Calum's house. There wasn't many people around, but that soon changed when we came along the paparazzi. There were about 20 of them, all taking photos of us and asking us questions like "why didn't you come out sooner", etc.
I held Calum's hand: he didn't like the press that much anyway, but now they were the reason for why he felt so insecure about his sexuality. The cameras flashed, making everything seem like a dream. The sun was shining down on me and Calum and I could feel his sweaty palms in my hand. We tried to walk forwards but they kept blocking us and taking photos of us. We were trapped.
I looked at Calum. He was finding it hard to breathe. I looked at the paparazzi and they were doing noting but taking photos of us. One guy asked me "are you okay?" As he flashed a camera in my eyes. I slapped the camera out of his hand and it crashed onto the floor: luckily for me it didn't break. Me and Calum turned back around and walked back up to his house. He was shaking so much now and I found it difficult to control him.
We got back into the house and Calum fell to the floor. He just dropped onto the marble ground and collapsed into a heap. I fell to my knees and sat next to him. I grabbed his shoulders and shaked him. I screamed "Calum", and he woke up. Blood was running down from his nose and he was pale. I lifted him up from the ground and again dropped him onto the sofa. It looked like he was going to throw up. He fell asleep straight away. I sat on the floor beside him and held his hand until I fell asleep too.
---day 3---
Calum screamed as he threw a glass towards me. I ducked and it smashed against the wall behind me. He was shaking so much. He had blood on his wrists and he had been cutting himself. He was standing in the kitchen and his hands were above the sink. He looked at me as he twisted the piece of glass in his hand. Every time he twisted it his hand started to bleed.
"I can't live in this world. I can't be with you Michael. If you don't let me leave I will keep cutting myself till I bleed to death. Dying would be better than everyone talking about me behind my back." He screamed out at me. I didn't want to let him go, he was just being paranoid and he'd realise soon that he was making a mistake.
He twisted the glass in his hand even more and blood tricked down his fingers into the kitchen sink. He was crying and screaming. I didn't know what to do, if I let him go then he would stop hurting himself but he could do even more damage than this. But if I make him stay he could kill himself.
I stood there watching him twist his hand slowly. I couldn't watch him in this much pain. I couldn't cope with this I just couldn't do it. I couldn't be the strong one anymore. I walked away from the doorway and I grabbed the glass out of Calum's hand. Calum looked at me and left a small kiss on my cheek.
"I will love you. I will always love you." He whispered to me as his tears fell onto my face. My hands were shaking and I could feel his bloody hand wrapped around mine. My body rattled and rattled. I couldn't concentrate on him, he was leaving me. Calum walked to the doorway and he opened the door. He looked back at me. In that moment I knew it - I had lost him and I'd never get him back. He walked out of the door and closed it gently behind him.
I fell to the floor and started to sob out loud. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to run out of this house and take him back, but if I did that then what else would do? He may kill himself. I don't know why he cared so much about what other people thought of him. I don't even know why I loved him.
---back to present day---
"So now I don't know what to do. I want to get him back but I don't know how. He won't talk to me, Luke or Ashton. He won't even talk to his family. He's blocking everyone out. Honestly, he could be dead and we wouldn't know about it." I cried down the phone. I needed help from someone as soon as possible.
"Don't feel like it's your fault Michael because it's not. What he did was by his own choice. He may have been paranoid but he knew what he was doing: if only he knew he was doing the wrong thing." She said to me from the other side of phone. I wanted to talk to her in person, but I didn't even know where she was at the moment.
"What shall I do?" I asked her.
"You're going to need to show him that there is nothing for him to worry about. You're gonna need to find a way for him to realise that he is being paranoid about it all." She said through the phone. "Okay I'm coming over to Australia. I've booked tickets, I'll be there tomorrow."
"Oh my god really?" I asked her.
"Well yeah of course. What are Twitter besties for?" Answered Taylor.