Just a little bit out of my limit

I wish I was beside you

~Michael's POV~
And that was all I saw of Calum. Once I had sucked his dick, he threw me away like I was disposable. He chucked me out of his house and told me he didn't want to have anything to do with me. It had now been one month since that night and my heart was still broken into tiny pieces.
~Calum's POV~
Luke sat down on the sofa next to me. I had asked him to come around my house. Luke still talked to me occasionally but I get the sense that he's still annoyed with me for what I did to Michael. I hadn't seen Ash in ages. He was closer to Michael than me so I guess he chose sides.
Luke pushed his fingers through his hair. His eyes, the colour of the ocean, drew their attention to my face.
"You alright bro?" I asked. It was hard talking to him. It felt like he didn't want to be friends with me. I think the only reason he was here was because he wanted to keep the band together.
"I'm good thanks. You?" He said as he trailed his fingers along his legs. He was wearing a dark black shirt, that gripped against his body. His jeans were black, skinny and were ripped on his knees.
"Yeah I'm good." I lied. I wasn't feeling good, I felt like shit. I hadn't eaten in days, I felt sick whenever I drank water. I regret everything I did, I didn't want to hurt Michael. I never wanted to hurt him. He was so innocent, but I was afraid. Everyone is just homophobic and they just wouldn't accept me and Michael. They would hate on us and try to bully us online. I couldn't deal with that much hate. I preferred to be dishonest to myself than to have the word look down on me again.
"Don't lie to me Cal." Said Luke. He looked so concerned. I wanted to open up to him, but I didn't know if I could trust him. I stood up from the sofa and walked towards the wall and I leaned against it. Luke looked up at me.
"Do you want to the know the truth? I feel terrible for what I've done. I didn't want to hurt him and I didn't mean to make him feel this way. Okay it's making me feel shit as well. I've barely ate any food and I haven't been able to sleep. I keep having about nightmares about the night I threw him away. I am disgusted by what I've done to him". I confessed to Luke. I hesitated, as I pulled my sleeve up for my elbow. There were scars all down my arm. There were tears in my eyes. I fell down onto the cold, hard floor and started sobbing.
I couldn't do it. I couldn't live in this world anymore. Knowing that I had hurt someone for my own dumb reason was just stupid and horrible. I was a terrible person. I shouldn't be alive. I should be dead. No one wants me. No one needs me. I'm just a waste of space.
Luke got off of the sofa and went onto the floor and crossed his knees. He reached over, and placed his soft, caring arms around my body.
"Calum. Calum. Don't feel like that. Michael is okay. Yes you may have broken his heart, but it doesn't mean that he won't forgive you." Luke promised to me. I managed to stop myself from crying and I pulled myself up from the floor. I sat on my knees and looked into Luke's eyes. I had never noticed how beautiful they were until I was this close. They were the colour of the ocean, a turquoise blue that sparkled in the sunlight.
Luke placed his hand on my cheek. He stroked his fingers along my face. It felt so sensual, was he meaning it to feel like that? Was he making a move on me? He placed his other hand on my thigh. He pushed his long hand against my leg. He was rubbing up and down on it.
He bit his lip piercing. He was staring into my eyes. I was staring into his. We were of one body, sharing a heart. But, I didn't feel that way about him. Yeah, he was fucking hot and I loved him when I was a teenager. But now, I had feelings for someone else. He moved his neck towards me, and he pushed his lips against mine.
I slapped him. He put his hand against his cheek and screamed. "Why the fuck did you do that?" He screamed at me. I stood up from the floor and walked across the room.
"Because I don't like you. Why did you make a fucking move on me?" I shouted at him. He stood up from the floor and I could see through his jeans that he was turned on. I bit my lips, and averted my eyes.
"Because I want to fuck you. I want to push you onto the floor, and I wanna shove my dick up your ass." He groaned at me. He moved closer and closer towards me. I was in the corner of the room, and he was walking towards me. There was no way I could get out, I was trapped.
"I don't want to fuck you." I screamed at him. I was scared, yet at the same time I wanted to walk over to Luke and rip his clothes off and let him fuck me senseless. But I didn't love him, I loved someone else.
"Why the fuck not"? He screamed to me. He was right in front of me now, his body was pressed against mine and I could feel his erect dick through his jeans against my legs. It took me so much effort to not let him fuck me.
"Because I am in love with Michael!" I shouted at him as I pushed him onto the floor. I had never told anyone that. Luke got up from the floor and he had a cheeky grin on his face.
"Hah I knew it! Ashton get out!" Luke shouted to the doorway. Ashton appeared from the doorway, he had been hiding there all along. I don't know what they were doing and I was kind of confused as to why they were here.
"What the fuck are you doing?" I shouted at them. Ashton walked towards Luke and stood next to him. They both had a smug look on their faces.
"Well I kind of made a bet with Luke, that you didn't love Michael. Luke said that you did, so he had to try and make you admit it." Ashton confessed to me. He took out ten dollars from his back pocket and gave it to Luke.
"You made a fucking bet? I've been going through a fucking hard time and you made a bet out of it?" I screamed at them. I moved towards the sofa and I leaned against it. I can't believe that they would do something as disgusting as that, but that wasn't what I was worried about, I was worried because they now knew that I was in love with Michael. I loved him. I loved the way that he dyed his hair all the time. I loved the way he played his guitar, and the way he looked at me on stage. I missed everything about him.
"How can I get him back?" I asked them. The look they gave me was a "I really doubt you'll get him back, but try it if you want to" look. I didn't care if I couldn't get him back: I would try as hard is a I could to get him in my arms again, and this time - I'd never let him go.
"You know Michael. He likes things to be personal, and memorable". Luke told me. I didn't know what to do, it would have to be something that he would remember forever, even if we didn't get together. I knew what I had to do.
"Tell Michael to be ready at 10pm tomorrow. I'm gonna pick him up and take him out. I've got something planned for him." I told the boys. They looked concerned.
"I don't know if he will be willing to do it, but we'll do our best to persuade him." Ashton told me. It would be a difficult thing for them to do, and I knew there was a chance that he wouldn't come out and visit me.
"Please. I need him. He's like a drug. And he's been took away from me for too long. I need him. I love him." I coughed out as tears streamed down my face.