seasons end.
The storm rages on as if I weren't here at all, ignoring my cries of anguish.
My fingers have become stuck together like frozen hot dog links and at this point I cannot feel anything at all; nothing except the inner destruction still wreaking havoc on my heart and soul, anyway. I am permanently stuck in place against this old tree, marking my territory by becoming an icy statue that'll eventually become a preserved corpse.
Preserved until spring comes, that is. That'll give the birds something to chirp about.
I wonder if my death will even make the paper?
The wind howls like an angry pack of wolves fighting for a kill, the prey crying out for help but receiving no mercy from any savior. I pity the fictional beast that my mind has created, the fabricated scenario somehow making me feel a little less alone out here in the wild albeit a bit more depressed. I didn't think I could do anymore damage to my own psyche but here I am, battering my brain with ridiculous scenarios. The macabre images blow through my final moments and leave my tongue with a ghastly aftertaste, tasting nearly as foul as the numbing medication when getting a filling at the dentist.
I'll admit, to both you dear reader and myself, that I am starting to realize my worst fears have come rearing their ugly heads to fruition, the grim outlook of my fate not even capable of scaring me anymore. The cold, getting lost in the wilderness, dying out here all alone with only the cries of the wind to keep me company...all of these possibilities are simply child's play compared to the devastating pain of losing you for good.
And I have lost you. I've been looking and looking, searching through every season. I checked behind every tree and tossed over every rock, and yet out there you remain- lost. Maybe if I just stay lost, too, it'll be like we're together after all. Lost in two different places at the same time. Months and months of missing you turning into years until we realize you've been found all along, right there in plain sight.
It's almost poetic.
I can notice my heartbeat slowing down now, much more dramatically than before. My breath is coming at a higher price and my lungs scream in protest. It doesn't matter though, none of it matters. I cannot feel a thing except that same familiar ache of regret. Why do we always hurt the ones we love the most? How can we expect them to forgive something that so many consider unforgivable?
Forcing my eyelids closed, I sigh out one last breath in the form of your name. I can hardly think of a more beautiful last word and as I say it, I swear I can see your face.
Goodbye, sweet one.
YOU ARE READING
your heart breaks forevermore
PoesieA combination of both free-verse poetry and story-telling, I hope you all enjoy this collection as much as I enjoyed writing it. Poetry has always been such a peaceful escape for me, whether it be based on something real or entirely plucked from the...
