Her Thoughts

TRUST

Trust is earned not given. This famous quote that I've known for so long hits different now. I am that kind of person that trusting people is not a big deal for me. I don't doubt people's intentions towards me. Some would say they had trust issue and I don't even have an idea why and where that word came from. It's 12:49 am and I can't even sleep. It's not that I've been having a hard time to sleep but this night is just different. 

 Do your trust your family? I do.Do you love them? I do.What if that family of yours broke the trust you built for so long? Let me tell you a story.

 Anna is an innocent girl that trust people too much. She's kind, she doesn't think I'll about other people. She trusted them without doubt. She grew up with a family that is complete and happy. They also have a lot of businesses. She just so pure. She loved everything and everyone. One day, Anna saw her mother walking inside their room. She wanted to talk to her so she followed her. Upon entering she heard her mother whispering while talking to someone on a phone call.

 "I told you erik, I'll go there! I just cannot dispatch my family." Her mother said.Who's erik? She thought. Not making any noise she walked inside fully and closed the door. She can't hear the person's reply. She doesn't want to hear any more of the conversation because it seems private but she's curious and she can't help it. 

 "I love you too. Just wait ok-" her mother stopped and gasp upon seeing her.Shocked and scared Anna felt. Angrily her mother went to her grabbed her and slapped her. Her mother gone mad. And now she's hurting Anna."How dare you listen! havent I taught you good manners?! You didn't hear it okay? You hear nothing you b****!"

 One last slap and her mother went out. Anna was crying. She doesn't understand what her mother just did to her. She thinks about her mother's action and with the phone call she concluded that her mother was cheating. She tried to tell her father about it, but she just can't. She doesn't want her family to be broken. So, Anna kept her mouth shut about her mother's affair. 

 "I'll go to manila, and you have to let me! This is for our family; I'll work there for the kid's future!" Her mother said while arguing with his father.

 "I can afford to provide everything you don't need to work!" His father replied. 

 "You're so selfish! I just want to help. You can't do anything about it, I'll go, and you can't stop me." Her mother started to pack her things. While his father left home.And not so long, anna's mother went to manila and after a year she was caught cheating. 

Their family is now broken and the first person who broke her trust is her mother.His father went on drinking every night, the business is not working well because it's not being managed right. Some of their workers are men. 13 years old Anna is left alone with them. Her father is not always around while her sisters were not home. One day while Anna was taking a bath inside the CR, she saw an eye watching her upon a hole. She felt chills and was afraid. She was completely terrified about the man that's watching her. She went closer threw some water to the hole to shoo the pervert. She knew who it was. She didn't tell her father about it. She was afraid to tell him. She kept quiet. That was the first time she was sexually abused. More workers tried to take advantage of her. And she just kept quiet. Till their business stopped and no men are now living with them. She felt genuinely happy after a long time. 

The following years Anna was barely living. But she continues. This time she doesn't trust guys anymore.17 years old Anna is now living with her mother. Her mother is living with a young ugly guy her boyfriend. She doesn't have any choice because her father cannot sustain their needs, so she has to live with her mother for a while. The place where her mother lived, she found comfort with the people. She went to church and became a youth. One day the youths and some members of the church are preparing to welcome their pastor. And there, the pastor arrived. She felt happy because finally their church has a pastor now! The pastor tried to befriend them, and he seems so kind that she didn't doubt the pastor's kindness. Every time she has a problem, Anna and her friend Lea would go to the church just to spend and bond with their friends and pastor. It went well. She found a home. A church with her not blood related family. One day while she was sleeping with her sister she woke up and found the pastor sleeping beside her. She thought maybe it was fine because the bed is not theirs. So, she ignored it. But things changed when she left the place and went back to the city. The pastor kept on sending a message for her asking how she was, if she's doing okay and all. She thought it was pretty normal because he is her friend. 

One day, she received a message from the pastor itself."I have a problem." Anna saw it and replied. " What's your problem pas? Maybe I can help?"From then on, he started to share nasty doings to her.

 She was being cyber sexual assault. She blocked him. She was disgusted with herself and hated how stupid she was for trusting a lot. The place that once feels home is now a place, she hated the most. It didn't stop there.She is now assaulted by her younger brother. And now she's broke. She's too broken. Traumatized. Afraid. Hurt. Lost.Staring at the ceiling asking why? Why things happened like that? What did she do to deserve it? -------You see.

 The story of Anna is just not just an ordinary story. It's a story of a person who developed trust issues. What happened to her was not easy. She doesn't know what the future holds. Trust is too easy to break but once broken it's so hard to fix. 

Hoping you aren't the reason for someone's trust issues.I hope she find peace with the Lord's guidance. She might find light amidst the darkness that surrounds her. She is not broken and only God can fix her. I believe.Remind yourself that this battle is not yours, it's his. You have God and you can survive. Have faith.