Disgusting. A word that's not so nice to hear, an expression that you don't wanna see and most importantly an emotion you don't wanna feel especially towards yourself.
Hey, its been a while since I wrote something here. 12:40 am and the feeling of missing someone so much that I can't even sleep.
There's a new story that I'll be telling you.
Firstly, I'm not a romantic person that I assure you. Earlier imagining myself loving someone and taking care of that person with all my heart choked me. The idea itself is impossible that what I know. I don't intend to have someone whom I can share a lifetime with because I can't even take care of myself. Disgusting I believe.
Secondly, I never imagined myself to be infatuated, attracted and stalking someone who is younger than me. I just can't believe myself that I think I am the worst. I always thought that I am into older guys but I found myself liking someone unreachable. From the family status, age gap, mindset, achievements and etc... it's just too impossible. Not just that, I shouldn't be feelin this because there's no point in prolonging such feelings. Disgusting I believe.
Thirdly, I don't know how to stop this. I don't know if I should avoid him or treat him like the others. I don't wanna be awkward around him. I am the only problem and I don't want him to think I am disgusting. But, I cannot keep the same relationship we had, I cannot just ignore the butterflies everytime our eyes met. cringe. yeah cringe. but that's the fact. I cannot just ignore the weird feeling, and act like nothing because there is something. I know there is. Worst Is I cannot avoid him, they might wonder why I keep on avoiding him. I wanted to be civil but how? I am professional sometimes but when it comes to him I lost my poise. Disgusting I believe.
Fourthly, I am all grown up, he's not. I am in college, he's not. I don't want him to know about this. I'll take this to grave if needed. I just can't accept the fact that I lose the battle with my emotions. It's wrong, I know it's wrong but how to make it right? disgusting I believe.
YOU ARE READING
Her Thoughts
RandomWriting is the best way to share your thoughts and experiences. I made this to avoid anxiety or any mental illnesses. I also wrote my experiences for me to look back at it. Have fun and God bless.
