Her Thoughts

INSIDE OUT

12:40 am, july 13th 2024. Hello there! I have a headache and flu right now and I can't sleep well, I don't think I can. I want to make a confession, to start let me give you a hint on what would you should be expecting with this new update of my story.

ROMANTIC FEELING is like a magnet that pulls two people together. The force is just too strong that you can't get rid of it. Have you feel it?

Tell you, I am in love. I denied it a lot of times but now, I can't. It's the same guy. All hell loose but I love him.

Earlier I was imagining myself having a wedding, doing the things happens in a wedding and my favorite part was the exchange of vows. So, this is my vow for my dying love for him. Yes, you read it right. DYING because I know i'm not be able to tell it on our wedding day because that would only happen in my dreams.

Hi dear, first month of my admiration towards you was confusing. The times where we played together were one of the best times of my life. We had this hidden strings that we failed to acknowledged and trusted our guts, instincts and assumed. Confusing in a way that I don't really know if you liked me as a woman or a sister, friend, enemy? which is which? The age gap that we had became the greatest wall that separates us both. You calling me "ate" reminds me of what our relationship should be.  And I decided to be your ate. just that.

Months flew so fast, we played every night, we kept on seeing each other, How hard was that for me to smile at you, talk to you, knowing I am interested with you. One day, we went on a beach outing with friends and you are the most cutest person who doesn't even know how to swim. While we are having fun, you were there sitting cutely on the sea rocks staring at us. And right there, at that moment... I know I was captivated by you. I tried to ignore the feeling, the butterflies, everything that u made me feel. And I survived that moment.

I am not fan of romantic stares, but one thing I want to remember even I grow old is that night where we had our first eye contact. We didn't expect it, I just want to look at you but I caught you. And to tell you, those are the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. 
I know we both became awkward after that, I just know and I felt it.

I don't want to assume things, so everytime you invite me to play I ignored you, well, you complains that I'm not good enough to play, you annoy me with that always, so I wonder if that the case then why you kept on inviting me, and waiting for me to play.  And yes guys, I ignored him, I tried and he was annoyed. I don't know, what's the term but he act cold towards me after that.

I don't really wanna play with him already because I was afraid that the more we play the more I fell. He's younger u know, I'm afraid. Long story short,  we played. Day after day, nights after nights no matter how I tried to avoid, he found ways to play with me. How? he'll wait till I finished and invite me to the next game.

as the day passed, my feelings grew....

I cannot continue this one anymore. I am still confused as of now, and wanted to ask him, WHAT AM I TO U?
you're giving me mixed signals, and I hate this feeling.

We just played, earlier and I didn't expect that. well I don't know if he read my fb notes, I said, "don't sleep yet, lets play" and yes it was for him. a few minutes, he was logging in already and then yea, we played. again.

HOW CAN I MOVE ON? HELP. NEED HELP. IM DONE. DEAD. BURRIED.