How you get the girl

Chapter 23

Tw; eating disorder

Rep's perspective; (Last part with people crying for now I promise)

"Hey Lover, how are you doing?" I was on a facetime with Lover, something that had become something of a daily routine for us.

"Hi Reppy, I'm doing alright actually, how about you?"

"I'm fine," I shrugged. It was the truth, nothing had really affected me. I mean, my mood was down because of the situation, but nothing was really impacting me directly.

"I forgot to mention it when we were texting yesterday, but I managed to open up to someone about what happened," She smiled.

"Oh that's great, to your therapist?" I was a little confused because she had just said 'someone'.

"No actually, to Midnights, she's been a really good friend,"

"Really? Why her?" I didn't know why, but I was angry about it. Couldn't she have opened up to me, instead of her?

"Um, she was asking about it and she was talking about her feelings and I was feeling positive in the moment," She looked uncomfortable. "I thought you'd be happy for me,"

"Kind of, but at the same time why her, I'm your girlfriend,"

"I could have said the same thing when you cheated on me with her!" Her voice rose. "You're being so weird about this whole situation,"

"Okay before I say anything I regret there's something I remembered that I haven't told you," I bit my lip. "Karma's my sister,"

"Why didn't you think to mention that before?" She glared at me in shock.

"Because it's personal okay, she was really abusive and mean to me until she moved out," I said, frustrated. I set my phone down so she couldn't see my expression and started fiddling with my hair.

"Reppy I'm sorry," She said.

"Not your fault," I laced my fingers together to steady them, starting to have that weird feeling of desperately needing to fidget.

"I didn't know,"

"Couldn't've expected you to," I muttered. "Not like I'm exactly open about it,"

There was a silence while I picked my phone up and put it on charge, not wanting to let Lover see the glistening in my eyes.

"Reppy I know what you're doing, show me your face," I grumpily pulled the phone up, lump in my throat making it hard to breathe. "You're allowed to cry darling,"

I couldn't say anything, just shaking my head as the first hot tear slipped out of my eye, leaning my head against the bedframe to avoid crying any more.

"It's okay, let it out," At her words I started crying, salty tears streaming out of the corners of my eyes and leaving blazing trails down my cheeks. I quickly eradicated any evidence, but they kept coming.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I'm so sorry Lover,"

"Don't apologise," She said gently.

"No I'm a bitch, I don't deserve you,"

"Rep don't say that," She said, more stern now. "You are the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I'm so happy that you finally opened up,"

"Well it seems to be becoming a theme now," I chuckled. "Us opening up,"

"Yes, and that's a great theme to have, we should keep it going,"

"If you insist,"

"I do, in fact, insist," She said. "On that note, is there anything you wanted to talk about?"

"Not really right now,"

"That's fine," She said. "I'd better go now, bye!"

"Bye Love,"

I hung up and tried to walk to the bathroom without anyone noticing, but got intercepted by 1989.

"Hi Rep, how-" She started. "Have you been crying?"

"Have you been eating?" I shot back. "Fuck I didn't mean to say that I'm sorry 1989,"

"S'okay," She muttered, walking away.

Fuck, I thought. What's wrong with me why did I have to say that? No wonder everyone hates you.

Skip to that night

"Look 1989 I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to say that, it was really inconsiderate or me," I walked over to where she was sitting.

"It's oka-"

"No, don't say it's okay, its not," I waved at her to shoosh. "I was just... very upset because, as you would know, I don't normally cry, and I cried and you commented on it, and I took a swing, metaphorically," I blurted.

"I'm also sorry, I shouldn't have asked, I know you're, well, weird about emotions," She smiled slightly.

"So uh, are you okay?" I never would have asked normally, but having that talk with Lover had made me so vulnerable, and I felt like I should make sure.

"Yeah, it's all good," She said.

"Alright, well I got a text so I'll go answer it," I didn't get a text, but it was getting awkward, so I needed an out.

1989's perspective;

I really needed Midnights to be there with me, I was starting to struggle again but I couldn't tell anyone, it was too personal, and I didn't particularly want to say it over the phone because it's really awkward.

As well as that, I didn't even really notice it happening, and it's not like I'm going to admit it, especially to myself.

***

Earlier that day

I stood in the kitchen, staring into the fridge. I need to eat protein, I thought. I wonder when the chicken's due date is.

I flipped the packet over in my hand, eyes searching for the little sticker.

A week and a half ago, I shouldn't eat this.

I'm not going to

No don't do that

But you deserve it

No I don't, Midnights wouldn't want you to do that, you're better than this.

She doesn't know, and she doesn't care

Eventually the bad voices got the best of me

A/N; Guys I have no idea what's going on here I forget what I wrote tbh, I wrote this in choir

Mostly while singing (In latin (being one of the three people in my part who showed up today (so don't blame me)))

BUT ANYWAYS it should get less depressing from here (Maybe)