Star Crossed (Kellin Quinn Fanfic)

Ten

Its been about 5 years since Kellin and I lost contact. Well, he basically cut me off, but saying we lost contact sounds kinder. I still cry myself to sleep most nights, and self harm basically everyday, but Im slowly getting used to feeling alone again. I've got a job, I get pretty good money for it. Its not my dream job or anything, nor is this the perfect life, but Im surviving.

Some nights I lie awake, wondering if Kellin thinks about me as much as I do about him. But then I realize he doesnt. He probably hasnt thought about me since he got on that plane 5 years ago. Thats the point when I burst into tears and cry myself to sleep.

I thought running away would solve all my problems. I thought I could leave everything behind and start again, but I was so wrong. Everywhere I look, Im reminded of my past, even though Im in a different state to where I grew up. The swings in the park remind me of the fun times me and Kellin used to have, those 5 days of heaven we spent together. When I see mothers telling off their children for running out in the road without looking, it makes me think that the way that child gazes up at its mother with tears in its eyes...I was like that when I was young, and looking at that childs face...I could never shout at a face like that, and yet my mother continued.

I wonder if I'll ever get out of, what seems to be, this never ending depression. I dont think so, not on my own anyway. I need help. I refuse to see a shrink, though I am mentally unstable and probably should. I know there's something wrong with me. I just cant figure out whats going to fix me, if anything can.