For Worse or For Better (Shawn Mendes)

Miles of Smiles

As many times as I blink, I think of you tonight.

-Owl City

"And you're insane." I scoff.

Zac steps out into the hallway, shrugging his shoulders. "Just remember: I''m two years older than you and more experienced. I know way more about love than you do. And I know love when I see it."

And then he leaves, gently closing the door behind him.

I lie on my bed for hours, longer than I can count. All the way until I feel so tired, that I go straight to sleep.

I lay there, thoughts fighting for domination in my brain. So many race around, trying to get figured out. But because my mind is so packed, I can't make sense of any of my thoughts. I can't concentrate on one thing. One person. One anything. Everything just scrunches together in a jumble of ideas and problems and things causing me major stress.

I roll around on my bed, trying to get comfortable, but how can I be?

I squish my head under my pillow, but nothing works. I can't stop the rumble of noise in my head.

So instead, I start to cry, the sobs coming from my chest eliminating the racket of my racing mind.

But then, my tears soaking my sheets and my pajamas, one thought is able to make its way to the center of my brain, where my mind's gears turn. It pushes itself in and jams the gears, forcing all the thoughts to instantly stop, falling out of my head.

And that one thought, of course, is Shawn.

Shawn Mendes.

What was that little kiss we had? Was it even anything? Am I stressing way too much?

But then he just basically told me that he likes me...

But is it real? Is he serious? Did it mean anything?

Should it mean anything to me?

But the massive, major, gigantic question is do I feel the same way?

And the answer to that massive, major, gigantic question is nonexistent. I honestly don't know how or what I feel. How could I go from absolutely despising someone to liking them in that way?

Is that possible?

On the other hand, I went from loving Tyler to hating his guts, so maybe it is possible.

The heart is a very weird organ. It wants what it wants, when it wants it. I can't control my changing feelings for someone. I can't control who I like as a friend, who I hate, and who I like as more than a friend.

But my mind has to agree.

And finally, as my stomach begins to twist and turn with agonizing pain, my mind and my heart agree on one thing.

It is slightly possible that I may have just slightly enjoyed that kiss.

*****

When I wake up the next morning, my mind is totally blank and my stomach is empty. I stayed up almost all night, racking my brain for answers to my millions of questions. And I've come to three decisions:

1) I need to talk to Tyler because he was only trying to protect me.

2) My heart and my mind both want me to talk to Shawn. They don't know what to say yet, but I can feel that when I talk to him, I'll know what to say.

3) I need to see Miles ASAP

I pick up my phone and text Miles.

me: Miles i miss you too much can i see you?

Luckily, he responds immediately.

Miles: SKYLAR I MISS U 2 AND GUESS WHAT?!

me: what

Miles: GUESS WHERE I AM

me: the soccer field?

Miles: nope

me: idk tell me

Miles: a little birdie told me you needed a friend. look outside your window my friend

At first glance, my heart starts pounding. I read the message about seven thousand times, trying to understand it.

Does this mean what I think it means?

I run into the hallway and hurtle over the railing, landing with a thud on the rug in the downstairs hallway. I fling the door open and there, about twenty feet away, on my front yard, is Miles, my best friend and the only person I want to talk to right now.

But at that moment, my mouth can't form a word. I just stand there, gaping, my mouth hanging open like a cartoon character.

I'm speechless.

So instead of talking, I sprint as fast as I can, and jump.

Right onto Miles.

Right into his awaiting, welcoming arms, making him stumble back and groan.

But he catches me and holds me against him, not letting me fall. Good thing he's big.

It feels amazing, my feet and my arms wrapped around his body; I haven't hugged him in way too long. And it's only been two weeks.

That's real friendship for you.

"I love you, Miles." I say, my tears wetting his t-shirt.

"Well, I can see we have quite a lot to talk about," he says, his deep voice rumbling beautifully in my ears.

"I can't believe you're here. And right when I need a friend the most." I refuse to let him go, and he breathes heavily in my ear, the effort of holding me tiring him.

"Well, Zac texted me and told me you were acting strange. Well, stranger than usual."

I laugh for the first time in days.

"So, I begged my mom until I annoyed her so much that she said yes. And here I am."

"There's this boy," I start, not wasting any time. I hop down from his arms and pull him into my house. "And his name is Shawn Mendes."

A/N-like the title? Pun intended people. Lol oh, and I know the pic is of Zac but deal with it. Jk jk love ya guys💜💙💚💛❤️