For Worse or For Better (Shawn Mendes)

If Only He Knew

I couldn't care less about your feelings.
-Gladys Knight

"Well," Miles sighs, thinking. "I think you should definitely talk to this Tyler kid. Although he might've been a jerk to you, he was just trying to protect you from getting hurt and, therefore, I like him. As for Shawn..."

He pauses, not sure what to say. He turns to look me right in the eye.

"I'm gonna have to say...that's your call. I can't tell you who to like and who to hate. If you really think you hate him, tell him that you don't feel the same way. But if you find yourself liking him, even slightly, then you have to reconsider.

"You don't want to miss out on something important. This is your choice. You have to be able to decide what you want to do. I'm afraid I cannot really help you with this one."

He winks. "But if you want some advice, I think you'll know how you feel the second you see him next. The mind's weird like that."

I smile at Miles. "You always know exactly what to say to make someone feel better."

He shrugs. "It's a talent. Can't help it."

I laugh. "Well, aren't you modest."

Miles grins and then his face becomes serious. "Go talk to Shawn. Then once you've figured that out, give Tyler a call."

I nod, a tiny smile forming on my lips. "I think I will," I whisper. "I think I definitely will."

*****

Knock. Knock.

Shawn's front door swings open and he stands in the doorway, towering over me from his superior height.

He makes me feel small.

And nervous.

"Hey Shawn, can we talk?" I ask, taking a step toward the door.

But when I look up at him, his face is set in a hard glare, his jaw clenching and unclenching over and over.

"Should've thought about that before you completely shattered my heart, I guess." He says through gritted teeth and slams the door in my face.

What?

"Shawn?!" I yell, opening the door. "Wait, Shawn...what are you talking about? I didn't-"

"Save it, Skylar. It doesn't matter. Just...just get out of my house."

Tears streak his cheeks and my heart clamps when he calls me Skylar.

He must be really mad at me.

But what the hell did I do?

"Shawn, I seriously don't have ANY idea what you're talking about."

He crosses his arms. "You can try to play that card, but it's not going to work. I'm not going to fall into your trap again. I'm done trying to explain myself to you. Trying to redeem myself. Trying to show you who I am. It's not worth it." Shawn stares at me with such hurt that I can't bare to look at him. "You're not worth it."

He turns to walk away, but I grab his arm. "Shawn, what the hell is up with you? Do you just confess your liking for someone and then blow them off when you get scared? Do-"

"I'm not scared, Sky!" He shouts. "But you don't care about my feelings! I went and basically told you exactly how I felt and you just went and crushed me! I should have known! Please..." He begs, his voice trembling. "Just..,just go."

And then the door closes gently.

And locks.

And the curtains close, blocking me from any contact with him.

I crumble to the ground, tears exploding out of my eyes.

My heart aches like it never has before, feeling as if it's been stomped on and thrown in the trash.

I never should have given him the benefit of doubt.

I never should have trusted him.

Look what happens when you let someone get too close.

I sob as hard as I can, hugging my knees to my chest, in the middle of Shawn's porch.

But I don't care.

He doesn't care.

No one cares.

And that's the hardest part.

The fact that I know, deep down that Shawn really does care.

He couldn't possibly care more.

And that pains me the most.

If only he knew what I was actually going to tell him.