For Worse or For Better (Shawn Mendes)

No Longer Lonely

My lonely days are over and life is like a song.
-Etta James

Shawn tries to get away from me, but I run after him, following him all the way to the football field before I catch him. Why does he have to be so athletic?

"Shawn!" I grab his arm, panting heavily. And he's not even out of breath. "Why are you running away?"

He looks at me frantically. "I'm not used to this." He mumbles.

"What?" I ask, confused.

Shawn looks me in the eye with such intensity, I almost stumble back. "No one has ever stood up for me before. I'm not used to having someone stick up for me because no one really knows the real me. But you do. And...it feels good."

Shawn smiles and I feel it in my bones, spreading to my face. All I can manage to say is, "Good."

"You've got a nice left hook there, feisty." He says, mockingly.

"Shut up," I nudge him with my shoulder, realizing that he's just teasing me. He doesn't mean it. Because he's a good guy.

We walk in silence for a while, until he breaks it. "You know, what Tyler said is true."

"Don't Shawn, he's just-"

"No, listen," Shawn holds up his hand, "I did break up with my girlfriend. That part's true. But not for the reason he thought. I broke up with her because it wasn't real. I took your advice and it made me realize that she didn't like me, she liked the fake me. And she just liked the thought of what the fake Shawn wanted. She wasn't worth it. And there's another reason." Shawn stops walking and forces himself to look at me.

"What's that?" I ask nervously.

"There's this girl." He starts. "She makes me feel like I can be anyone I want to be. Like there's a chance for me to be happy in this world. Like maybe everything will get better. She makes me feel like there are people that actually love me for who I really am. And she knows who I really am. And she takes me that way. She's the thing that keeps me steady with my home life and she's the inspiration that keeps me going. She makes me feel like I belong and I'm not lonely anymore. Because she's there, though she may act like she hates me.

"She...she keeps me alive, Sky, and for that, she could possibly the best thing that's ever happened to me. The second I could tell that she wanted to change me, that she'd eventually get to the bottom of my messy life, I started to like her. Though I didn't realize it at first becuase I was set on being a jerk to her, like always. But I couldn't keep it up when I was around her. I felt weak and...vulnerable. And one night, when I was stuck at school in the middle of a storm with her, I actually had fun. Real fun. The first real fun I've had in ages. And that, that is when I realized. I was I'm starting to fall for her."

I can't believe he's telling me this. What is happening between me and him? Can I trust him? What should I say? I choke a little on my next words. "Oh, y-yea?"

Shawn nods. "I think she-" He gulps and then looks around nervously. "I, uh, I have to go. I'll catch you later."

He sprints off across the football field and I watch him walk through the double doors, where he turns and looks back at me, then quickly disappears inside.

Feeling like I'm about to throw up, I text Zac and tell him I don't feel good and he says he'll take me home.

What the hell is happening to me?

I hop into Zac's car and wait for him, my arms wrapped around myself. This is not good. This is really not good. I can't believe one boy can have this affect on me. And a boy who I absolutely despised at first. A boy who was a jerk and who I couldn't stand.

And now I don't know how I feel about him.

But I do know I've never felt this way before.