For Worse or For Better (Shawn Mendes)

Goodbyes

A lie on my bed, feeling an odd sense of de ja vu, like when I heard the horrible news that Shawn was leaving. Today is a day of tears and screams. Of resistance. Of arguing. Of yelling and stomping.

Of goodbyes.

It's a day of dread.

Shawn is leaving today and I don't think I'll be able to keep it together. Shawn and I have spent the last week by each others' sides 24/7. He's been recovering brilliantly, quickly getting back into the swing of things. Our days have been full of homework, studying, one on one soccer matches, movie marathons and ice cream sundaes.

But as the time for his departure draws nearer, my stomach twists into a knot, my heart breaking a little every second.

I know my life will change drastically when Shawn leaves, especially since I don't have Miles anymore, but my relationship with Tyler is stronger than it's ever been—he hung out with Shawn and me A LOT—and I have Zac to cheer me up in times of sadness and depression.

My time with Shawn, however short it was, was a miracle a girl could only dream of and I was extremely grateful for our little romance. It has left me with eternal happiness and millions of memories, good or bad, but unforgettable all the same.

I couldn't possibly have been more thankful for Shawn's presence in my life and how important he's become to me. He's become a part of me, if you will, and when he leaves, a part of me will go with him. I'll lose part of myself, part of my soul, my heart, but I know that it's what's best for Shawn, considering how much we've been through to get where we are today.

Away from his dad.

Safe.

Madly in love.

And as my eyes flutter closed, my sheets wrapped tightly around me like a warm cocoon, I tell myself 'll be okay without Shawn. I'll be able to move on, find a way to forget how much he means to me.

And as I truly admit how untrue that is, my door bursts open and Shawn stumbles into my room, red faced and wild eyed.

His expression slacks when he sees me, lying in a trance on my bed, suffocated by my blankets. His dark eyes dart from my feet to my head to the bed, over and over, as if he doesn't know where to focus them. But when they land on my face and lock with my eyes, he I try to hide the sadness with a forced smile, but Shawn catches me in the act and frowns.

My heart speeds up as he sits on the edge of my bed and puts a hand on my shoulder.

I look up into his gorgeous face, taking in all of his breath-taking features for possibly the last time.

"Hi, Sky," he mutters, trying to sound cheerful and failing. "Hey, don't cry, please don't cry." He pleads.

I hadn't even realized I had started crying, but tears were spilling out of my eyes, splattering my shirt.

"I'm sorry, Shawn, I know I should be strong for your sake, but...I...I can't, Shawn." I spring up and throw my arms around his neck, which for once is at my height. I feel his arms tighten around me.

"Oh, my God, Sky," Shawn says into my hair and I realize I'm not the only one crying. I've never seen Shawn cry and I hoped that would always be the case, but as we grasp each other, we both have tears on our faces. "Maybe it's a good thing I'm leaving." He continues and if it weren't for the fact that I was squeezing him to death, I would have glared at him.

"What?" I sniffed. "How?"

Shawn's quiet for a painful moment and then, "Well, I think I'm in love with you way too much. Sky, you don't understand the extent to which I really love you. I know you're only fifteen, and I'm only sixteen, but I don't care what people say. I want to spend my life with you because I'm madly in love with you and I don't think that's healthy for kids our age. I can't believe myself how much I actually care about you. When I'm with you, I have to hold your hand and kiss you and hug you, just to make sure you're still with me. When I'm not with you, I think about you non-stop. You have a way of penetrating my daily thoughts and then I can't get you out of my head. You're like air to me, Sky, I don't think I can live without you."

At this I pry myself off him and look deeply into his eyes. He's being serious about this. He loves me that much and during that brief moment, I realize that I might just love him back just as much.

"Now you absolutely can't leave, Shawn, because if you do, I won't be able to express that your feeling is mutual and I can't fathom the amount of love that I share for you. But let's not go into another whole speech, because I might kill myself if I have to wait any longer for this."

And at that our lips connect, pressing together hotly and with such want, such need, that I just keep kissing him, feeling as if I'd be okay with never stopping. I can feel all the sparks, all the electricity, all of the good stuff as our mouths continue to move with each other's. "Well, it's a good thing he's not leaving then," Zac's voice says from the doorway, his eyes glued to us. Neither Shawn nor I process this information, too absorbed in our own little word.

But then I push lightly on his chest and back up, my eyes staring a hole through Zac's smirking face. "Did you say 'not going'?" I ask quietly, believing it's too good to be true.

"Shawn's uncle just called," Zac tells us, unfolding his arms and walking toward us. But he doesn't have to continue, I can see it in his eager blue eyes, as big as golf balls and his wide smile, his grin spreading from ear to ear. "It appears that there's been a change of plans. Welcome to the Healy family, Shawn Mendes."