The Hope beneath the Dark - Sebastian Sallow

33. The voices in my head

"You think you're so brave, defending the weak?" A snarky female voice pointed out.

"Know your place, freak." Another female voice added.

"You have no idea what I can do to you! Get out of my way." The first female voice threatened.

"What did I do? What did I do?" I repeated.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?" A female voice screeched. "YOU KILLED HER!"

"Just like you killed your mom, you freak!"

"WHAT DID I DO? WHAT DID I DO?" I screamed.

Suddenly, I felt arms wrapping around me and a hand gently stroking the top of my hair.

"Hey, hey shush.... it's okay, Maude..." The calm voice of Anne brought me to reality, as she was now sitting besides me, holding me tight and trying to soothe me. "You can calm down now, you're here and nothing happened."

"Yes, please, calm the heck down. Some are trying to sleep here, again!" Imelda sighed loudly before turning around and going back to sleep, to which I noticed Anne rolling her eyes upwards.

Anne stayed there with me for a long time, the two of us not talking. We didn't need to. Unfortunately, she was used to this by now, and I felt like a terrible burden to her, but anytime I brought it up, she insisted that it was okay, and she seemed honest.

I guess somehow, I was lucky that it was more intense at night. Of course I wasn't getting any real sleep, but if it was to happen as intense during the days, I think I'd need to skip classes when it'd be too much. It was not that bad yet, but it was clearly worsening.

Maybe, it was because I had a bad day, and negative emotions taking more space were triggering worse hallucinations and dreams. My fight earlier with Sebastian was not helping, that's for sure.

Honestly, I often wish he'd be there when I was having a crisis, because being in his arms usually feels like my safe place. Tonight, I was glad that it was just Anne, because somehow, I was scared that Sebastian was going back to a state where he's going to push me away anytime he gets furious, or things simply doesn't go as he wanted them to.

The next morning, I was aware that at some point, Nerida and Imelda got up and left. Anne went back in her bed but eventually left too. She came to check up on me, and I was still curled up under my sheets, not ready to face what Saturday morning may have planned for me. She respected that but promised to come back before lunch if she still hasn't spotted me out of our room. She agreed I could use some rest this morning, but spending the whole day in bed would be just as bad as lacking sleep.

I didn't get any more sleep that morning, but I just couldn't find the motivation to get up. Truth is, I wasn't sure what to expect when I see Sebastian today. We fight every now and then, that's nothing uncommon for us, but yesterday was different.

I was angry too just before I left yesterday, but now that anger transformed in pain. What I said yesterday was true, we both know that scar I carry on my chest appeared after he casted Crucio on me last year. Even though it was to be expected, since unforgivable curse like this one usually leaves a scar, we never talked about it. After it happened, we were still caught up in all the drama surrounding Ranrok and Anne's curse. Also, it never occurred to me that someday, Sebastian might have to see that scar.

We may have flirted a lot, but I was never sure if it would eventually lead to something more between us. I remember the first time we were intimate. I caught him staring at it, but he quickly looked away when I noticed. I was trying to ignore it too, so I never pushed to talk about it. I gained several scars since I got at Hogwarts, most of them faded, some are still there, even if just faintly. That one is different; it was bigger but not just in a physical way. Every time I see it, it's a reminder of one of the worst pains I experimented.