The Hope beneath the Dark - Sebastian Sallow

5. Kisses & Warnings

My last full day began with a breakfast with Ominis... and Freddie. It was awkward, to say the least. I have yet to be able to look at Freddie in the eyes after what happened last night. Ominis could tell something was weird, but he didn't say a world. He didn't seem to feel quite well either anyway. I guess there was a lot of saddening thoughts going on in his mind right now.

Just as I was finishing my plate, I remembered that Sebastian asked me to meet him in the Undercroft. I got up and left as fast as I could without even saying a word to the boys having breakfast with me. There was not much time left before classes would start, so I needed to hurry.

I ran throughout the castle until I reached the Defense against the Dark Arts tower. I arrived at the entrance of our secret place and entered the secret passage that leads to the gloomy room at the end of the stairs. As soon as I stepped foot into the Undercroft, I noticed Sebastian standing next to Isidora's triptych. I walked over to him and stopped when I was close enough to stand at an arm's reach.

"I was starting to think you wouldn't come." Sebastian admitted.

"I kind of forgot about your request and almost skipped, to be honest." I replied truthfully.

"No worries, it is not like you owed me to come anyway." He reassured me. "I probably have no right to expect that of you, but I need you to listen to me until I told you everything I needed to say."

I remained silent, but gave him a reassuring nod, letting him know that I would listen to him.

"First, I am deeply sorry, Maude. I admit I was using you, even though it was not my intention... I realise in the end, that is what I did. I had no right to put that all on your shoulders. I should have listened to you and Ominis. I went too far, and now I regret it. Too late, unfortunately. I cannot undo what I've already done, but I meant it when I say I would do better. I tried, I am trying, but I can't do this alone, and I was a fool for believing I could. Of course I don't deserve to be your friend anymore, but I hope you will consider. I can't lose you too."

His words were still echoing in my head, as I tried to process them fully. I wanted to believe it, I wanted to be there for him, but I couldn't shake that feeling of being used and now I was scared it was just another maneuver for him to get me back and being available for his every requests.

"I hear you, and I wish things would be different, but you don't know how it felt to be used the way you used me. Here you are again, asking more of me. You know that day at the lake, I let myself breakdown in front of you because deep down, I still care for you and you still mean so much to me, but you made me see that it was never the same for you. I mean something to you when you need something from me. Even right now, that is how it sounds." I confessed.

"You're right, Maude, I am sorry. What can I say or do to prove to you that it is not about what I want from you, but what I want with you?" He asked, with a glow of regret in his hazel eyes.

"Just speak the truth. What do you really want?" I spoke. "I am asking you now, in the most transparent way."

He marked a long pause, then sighed. He started pacing around, and I kept standing there, almost regretting my question. Not even twenty-four hours ago, I was kissing another boy, but this time catching myself hope it would be Sebastian. The truth was that I wanted him to tell me that I wasn't delusional, and that there was a spark between us all that time. I wanted him to tell me that I wasn't just a canal for him to get a cure for Anne. I wanted him to...

"I want you. I want you to forgive me and give me a chance. I never wanted to use you, I wanted you, not in the toxic way you and Ominis think I did. I just got caught up too deep in the Dark Arts and my search for a cure, and that is what it looked like." He admitted, as he got closer to me. "Do you remember on Monday when we talked about that... unpleasant kiss I walked in on?"