Watch me Shine (bl)

72

Reluctantly Akerian went back alone with his driver. Julian who was tipsy due to a drinking a lot was wobbling, trying hard to stand. In the end Kaia called a cab and went with him.

He wasn't someone to let a drunk man go home alone. And so Kaia got inside the cab and took Julian home.

They winded up at their apartment. Kaia lived here for 4-5 years and nothing has been changed.

J - i haven't touched anything.

Julian who was leaning onto Kaia as he couldn't take another step slowly said. His eyes watery and his face flushed.

Kaia could still smell the alcohol and he knew tomorrow Julian was going to get a terrible headache. He hmmed as response and dragged the bigger man to the bedroom.

When he was living here Julian rarely allowed him in so it feels strange to walked in his room. He threw Julian on the bed and without wasting any time he wanted to leave.

Before he could, he felt a strong grip on his hand. Julian wasn't letting him go. This man who rarely showed any emotions was weeping and started crying calling his name.

The man held his hand with both and kiss it not wanting to let go, then he brought it to his heart. Kaia could feel his tears dripping on his held hand.

J - This hand...... This hand that fed me..... This arm that hugged me i don't wanna let go.... You who have been with me when no else did.... You who took me to where I am..... If you leave won't I crumble?

The man begged for Kaia to stay. Kaia who didn't had any reaction started to feel angry. He tried to get his hand free pushing the man with his other free hand. Julian only tightened his hold and pulled him into a hug. He barried his nose into Kaia's neck and took a deep breath as if it was his lifeline. Absorbing his scent taking everything in as if he knew this might be his last chance to hold him.

Kaia couldn't hold it in any longer and yelled.

K - I said let me go!

J - No! I can't... I can't.... I'm sorry....

With every word Julian voice became lower and lower replaced by his sobs. Kaia who was angry couldn't even yell anymore, he started hitting the man's chest. He too wanted to cry for some reason.

Is this it? Did Julian finally love me? After 8 years he cries for me? He begs for me to stay. Where was this all those years ago? Why couldn't he loved him all those years back? Many things were rushing through Kaia's head until he couldn't hold him in and started crying and asking why.

K - why?!...Why couldn't you love me? Why couldn't you see me?......

As he kept on hitting the man's chest it became weaker and weaker. Until finally he sobbed on the man's shoulder.

K - I hate you.... I hate you.....

He repeated again and again. Julian only held him tighter.

In this dark room the two cried and wept. Knowing their time has ended. One not wanting to accept and one regretting why it didn't happen before.

For a while the two stayed together until Julian finally relaxed his hand and Kaia felt a little relief. He stood him wiping his tears but the other man tried to held on again.

J - No.... No..... No please.... Don't go...

He grabbed Kaia's coat and embraced the man around his waist. So thin he thought. Was Kaia not eating when he was here? Julian could only remember few details, details that hurt him more.

Kaia once again tried to release himself until finally he let out his feelings.

K - Did you know?......

Julian didn't make a sound and only buried his face into Kaia's stomach. But the latter still continued...

K - that day you asked me to make you lunch and yet you threw it away in front of me....

He cried again remembering all those stuffs. All those things this man did, those pain. He remembered it all. He just stood and started complaining about everything.

K - I felt like a fool to make those lunch...*sob ... And that Christmas why didn't you listen to me? I was also hurt why couldn't you see me?......

The man just clenched his teeth and cried more. And Kaia just let him, he wasn't finished yet. He was going to tell him each and every thing.

K - why didn't you come for me when I was also kidnapped?....... I also wanted to act.... Why didn't you think I was worthy to have that role?....

For the next hour Kaia asked Julian everything, his tears going down his cheeks and some onto Julian's shirt. He complaint why he wasn't allowed in his room.

K - tell me what did you not like about me?...... Was i lacking something?.... Was i not worthy of your love? Am I not lovable?