A Court of Spark and Shadow; acotar

ii. training

The sun fills the hallway of the river house. The merry weather is a contrast to the dread in the pit of my stomach. I feel nauseous as I stand, my hand poised to knock, outside of my father's office. I suck in a breath and ready myself for the telling-off that I am about to receive.

I can already hear my father's voice in my mind, declaring, that Azriel is married, Azriel is a hundred times my age, and Azriel is out of bounds, untouchable.

I wasn't drunk enough last night to not know that getting that close to each other was so utterly inappropriate. What was I thinking?

I lift my chin, take another deep breath, and knock.

"Come in Belladonna," my father's voice commands through the door. He doesn't sound happy. I don't blame him.

Entering the meeting room, I shut the door behind me and walk quickly to the empty seat across from my father's desk. He sits in his large chair, his chin resting on his hands as he watches me take a seat. I have been told off enough by my father to recognize the anger in his narrowed violet eyes. The sun that streams in behind me does nothing to quell the fury in his expression.

"Explain," he says.

Immediately, I launch into the explanation I have been reciting all morning. "I was drunk, and I suspect so was he, and it was Starfall. I was upset because Nyx was taunting me again and so, my emotions were running high and got the better of me,"

Sucking in a breath, I add weakly, "And I know it was inappropriate but nothing happened. Truly,"

My father frowns, "It is not about what happened but of what could have happened," he leans back in his chair with a sigh, "He is married, Belladonna, and you are young, merely eighteen. You are too young to talk of such things. Let alone act on them,"

"But I didn't act on them-"

My father raises a hand. My mouth shuts.

"You forget that I can hear your every thought, Azriel's too. If I hadn't intervened, then you would have acted on them. You both would have,"

I slump into my chair. My hair flops onto my face and I brush the white strands back lazily. My head pounds from the wine I downed last night, and from my father's endless argument. I don't know what he expects me to say or do. Last night was a mere mistake. One I will never make again. I doubt the Spymaster will even look at me again after this.

"I know it was a mistake, Azriel has said so too, but it is still necessary to discuss these things. To ensure that they won't happen again," my father says, his tone is softer as he reads the thoughts in my mind. I throw up the wall in my mind as he sighs and lifts his head.

"Have you told Mother about this? And Nyx?" I ask.

He shakes his head, "No, last night will stay between us. Azriel has sworn to not speak of it again. And so we will leave it at that,"

I let out a breath. If Nyx had heard of what happened last night, I know he would ridicule me for it. It would be fuel for his torments. I would burn away in shame.

My father stands and I follow his movement. The conversation is over. Relief washes through me.

As I reach the door, my father calls out once more, "Can you promise me it was simply a mistake, Bella?"

I pause with my hand on the door. Despite the thoughts that begin to stretch to life in my mind, I nod at my father. The words taste like a lie as I tell him, "I promise."

I look away as I duck out of the door and hurry out into the hallway. Hastily, I make my way toward the kitchen, stomach grumbling as my body aches to get away from my father before he can smell the lie I spoke.