Incognito Book 2

21 - Faith

Sashay's POV

I would say one of the worst places to be stuck is inside your head.

But technically that would be a lie.

I've been trapped inside a house for several weeks. That felt like prison.

Now I'm locked away and they are insisting on charging me with second degree murder

They said Dean died as a result of blunt force trauma and the autopsy relieved he was hit several times in the head.

I was told it can't be an accident because I hit him over and over.

Initially his mother was pressing for first degree. She was adamant I killed her son intentionally.

She also wanted to Caleb to be charged as an accomplice.

The lady crazy.

It clear weh her son get the mental insanity from.

Its been over a week since I've been locked up and I'm already slowly losing my mind.

The thoughts inside my head are overwhelming sometimes.

So what I've been doing everyday is writing letters to my baby girl. It helps me to clear my head.

These letters may never be read depending on this outcome.

If they do find me guilty then I may be going away for a long time.

If that's case I would start mailing them to her.

But if I'm not found guilty then I'll just store them away or something. I haven't decided yet.

And yes I know she can't read but hopefully when she can she'll have these. As a way of explaining everything to her.

She will have questions and I hope these letters can answer those questions.

I always want them to be reminders of how much I love her.

I wait for my cellmate to fall asleep and then move to the corner of the small bed.

Bed tuff like wah.

It a angle me back.

Me feel like 50 and not 27.

I pick up my small flashlight turn it on and place the handle in my mouth. I open my notebook, turn to a clean page and start scribbling.

Dear Imani,
Mommy is so sorry. I wish the circumstances were different. Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I never met the man who fathered you. But then I catch myself because if I never met him I wouldn't have you. And I absolutely cannot imagine my life without you. You are the best thing that has happened to me. I had you when I was in a dark place in my life and you were my guiding light.
I remember when I had you I was all alone with you in a new country. Trying to figure my life out. But you were the easiest baby ever. When you were born you would just stare up at me with those big brown eyes and that's when I knew I had to figure life out. You were curious, always looking around and oh so smart. You barely cried its almost like you knew I couldn't deal with it.
I wondered how I got so lucky - I thought you were my reward after catching all the curve balls life threw me. I gave you life but in actuality you gave me life. I didn't realize I was simply existing and not living until I had you.
From the first breath you took that's when I started breathing too. It's almost like I was holding my breath all along. Now I'm breathing.
My black and white life now has color. All because of you. Again I'm sorry if you are facing any trauma because of my poor choices in life.
Your name Imani means faith. That name isn't something I take lightly. I have faith Imani, because of you.
May you never forgot how much you mean to me.
Mommy loves you then, now, always and forever.
My girl, my sweet girl. You are smart, you are beautiful, you are unique, you are you. You are Imani.
I love you more than my own life.
- From mommy.