Leah and her soldier

Surgery day

Today is the day of the surgery and I'm so scared I haven't slept at all. I've been keeping a secret about the surgery that I've not told a single person. So here I am lying staring at my wife who is fast asleep taking in every small detail of her face holding back all of my tears. Hair falls in Leah's face when she moves so I gently brush it out of the way and a little smile appears on her face "good morning baby" "good morning my love have I ever told you how fucking sexy your morning voice is?" She lets out a small laugh "can't say you have no, how are you feeling about today?" "Fine everything's going to run smoothly" "you bet your arse it is or I will kick your arse if not" "I don't doubt you for a minute my love, do you know what I think we should do just one last time?" "What's that baby?" I just raise my eyebrows and smile which causes Leah to laugh "no it's not happening" "awww but my love it's been a week and a half and we went from having sex every night, most mornings and even Xanders nap times to nothing at all. Just once you know you want to" "Chris I know this has been hard on you trust me seeing my wife in pain is difficult, and trust me I want you as much as you want me I promise I do but I can't hurt you or risk hurting you" "it was worth a try, how about a make out session before Xander gets up then?" "Now that I can do." Leah sits on me and starts to kiss me I manage to deepen the kiss just a little to keep it subtle. I pull Leah into me and reach for the bottom of Leah's top and start lifting it up, to my surprise she lifts her arms up for me to take it off so I do. I move my kisses along Leah's jaw to her neck cause her to moan and this lights a fire in my soul. Well until she jumps off me "fuck I'm sorry I shouldn't have let that happen" Leah quickly puts her top back on "no I'm sorry."

I get up and head to the shower "baby where you going?" "I have to have my shower" "baby please come back and have some cuddles with me" "I will after my shower" "please don't be mad at me" "I'm not I understand but I'm excited to not have to use this horrible hospital body wash anymore." I go into the shower and I can't stop thinking about how this could be the last time I see my family, my wife, my son. "Baby?" "Hm yeah everything alright?" "Well I was going to ask you that you have been in here for 20 minutes" "what have I really?" "Yeah what's going on?" "Nothing I was just singing in my head" "are you coming out then?" "Yeah coming now." I get out of the shower getting dried and dressed going into the bedroom "Chris talk to me" "what about?" "What's going on in your head" "nothing I swe.." "mummy mama I awaked" "hi my prince just in time for some cuddles then before grandma comes to take you to nursery."

I climb on the bed and hold Xander tight holding back my tears "you know mummy loves you more than anything in the world. Xander I will always love you and be with you right here" I point to Xanders heart "just like you will always be right here" I put his hand on my heart. I can see Leah staring at me and she looks a little angry luckily Xander is here so I can't get in trouble right now. Amanda comes in and comes upstairs "hey baba" "hi gama" "your not ready yet" "that's my fault Amanda he was giving me lots of cuddles" "mum could you get Xander ready for me please?" "Of course come on let's get you ready." As soon as Amanda takes Xander out of the room Leah closes the door "you're going to tell me what's going on" "I don't..." "don't lie to me you have just said goodbye to our son! Not I'll see you later but a goodbye" "Le.." "tell me now or I swear to fucking god so help me" I put my head down "I was told I'm a high risk when it comes to surgeries due to my seizures" "you were told what?" "I'm a high.." "oh no I heard you when were you told this?" "A week ago" "a week? A WEEK AND YOU NEVER FUCKING TOLD ME!" "I..I.." Leah hits me then continues hitting me so I grab her arms pulling her into her hugging her tight at this point I can't hold my tears anymore "I don't want to die Leah I have to much to live for, I'm scared" "don't you dare leave us Chris I mean it I'll fucking kill you."

I give Xander another hug before he leaves for nursery and Leah takes me to the hospital. I try to get her to go home but she insists on staying I'm glad she has though because I'm scared like really scared. I've never admitted to Leah about being scared before so that says someth "what you thinking about?" "Just that I'm glad I couldn't talk you out of going home" "never baby how about we watch something to take your mind off things" "what were you thinking?" "You're go to in these times" "mr bean?" "Yeah it's on netflix" "but you don't like it" "right now I don't care it's what you need so let's watch it." I cuddle into Leah and we watch a couple of episodes of mr bean when a nurse comes for me for my surgery. Leah leans over the bed giving me a kiss "remember what I said" "don't die or you'll kill me got it" we both laugh "good to know you listen baby I love you" "I love you more." I'm wheeled away and put under.