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** ADHYAY 4 - THE REGRET **

*** Adinath ***

I looked back at the pond as I sat on a nearby rock after taking multiple dips inside to cleanse myself before entering the temple....it almost looked like a stream of blood as the red color consummated the water....blood of my friend....

I then looked down at my feet, to find my weapons that haphazardly thrown on the ground, drops of blood in the surrounding soil.

I turned my attention to the chunni losely held in my hands....the chunni was no longer purple and turned into a shade of magneta due to the blood....

What have I done? Not only did I kill my best friend, but I was also about to kill the innoncent soldiers....even after they surrendered....I acted like a monster.....a ruthless monster....a demon.....a devil.....

The prophecy was true.....I am not a noble man.....I am a man capable of evil....a man who needs to be restrained....

Tears rolled my eyes as the reality sinked in.....

I looked at Mahadev's temple at a distance....my heart wanted to run to him, fall on his feet, and ask for his forgiveneess....but my mind said otherwise.....despite my hand looking seemingly clean, my heart could still clearly see the blood.

I am impure.....the blood of my friend is in my hands.....I cannot enter the temple......I am not worthy of being in your presence Mahadev....I am not!

"I thought the first rule of a warrior is to honour his weapons at all times," I heard a familiar voice and my eyes widened in surprise. I haven't heard this voice in more than a decade, yet it still remained strong enough for my mind to register it.

"Sir," I immediately turned around to see the sage. The same sage who disrespected me on my 16th birthday. The same sage whose philosophy has guided me all my life. My ekalavya guru.

"You aren't supossed to put your weapons near your feet, son," he reminded once again.

"I apologize," I immediately replied and placed the weapons on the nearby rock, touched them and then touched my eyes as a way to seek forgiveneess before turning back to my guru. I immediately walked towards him to seek his blessings but stopped a couple of feet away.

"Still being the arrogant prince?" he questioned authoritatively.

I slowly shook my head and looked down in regret.

"I've committed some sins sir," I replied in a low voice, "Me seeking your blessings would be inauspicious for you."

"Did the Mahadev in your heart tell you that you've comitted a sin?" the sage calmly asked.

"I am not sure if..." I paused trying to regain my composure. "I am not sure if he resides in my heart anymore," I barely said outloud.

The sage took a step forward and slightly moved my collar to the side with no hesitation or fear of touching me, taking me by surprise.

Why does he not consider me a sinner?

"This is from the Kalika Devi temple, isn't it?" he asked examining the sacred thread across my neck. 

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