Chosen by fungus 🍃 | a shrek x fem!reader story

Chapter Nine

The bedsheets rustled and Donkey curled further into the warmth of the blankets.
The sun had long since risen and puss was on the ground, having fallen off the bed in his sleep. Puss soon awoke, smelling bacon in the air (not sure how since no one was cooking) and crawled back onto the bed, shaking Donkey awake.

"Mi amor wake up, we must do what must be done, before I become.." his orange brows furrowed and an expression of despair settled onto his face as he whispered the rest of his sentence,

"With child."

Donkey nodded resolutely as he woke up, and they jumped out of bed, forgetting to put any clothes on.

They stood opposite, facing each other as they did the world's most complicated handshake, finally ending by whispering the ancient spell no homo into each other's ears.

"There honey that should be good" Donkey brayed, as he pulled on a shirt and lit a cigarette.
"I gotta be off, do my morning routine and such, catch you later?"

Puss, sprawled across the bed sheets, yawned and stretched, Donkey's eye catching the trail that led down from his bellybutton- he quickly raised his gaze back to Puss in boots's face.

Puss raised his head lazily and nodded. "Sounds like a plan, sugar."

As Donkey sauntered down the stairs, and started making a cabbage juice smoothie while listening to the dulcet tones of "Blackout- Britney spears:first track: Gimme More '', he thought on everything that had led him to this point.

Post-nut clarity was no joke.

It had all started many years ago.. when he was but a young ass.

His family was tight on money, since the financial crisis of 2008 and due to his oldest brother losing his job as a pimp, they were scraping to make ends meet. Despite his many brothers and sisters picking up as many side jobs as possible, due to his once wealthy parents having abandoned them he was flat out broke. After staying on his sister's couch for one too many nights in a row, she finally kicked him out.

"Boy" Donkey's sister, Maria, sighed gazing at her useless 16th sibling. "It's about time I break some news to you."

Donkey bit his lip and gazed up at his sister in agitation, waiting for her to drop the other shoe.

"Our mama, bless her heart, was a bit of a slag as you know"

Donkey nodded (everyone knew that, did the woman think he was stupid) he thought to himself.

"Well, despite how proficient she was at getting around, she never actually gave birth to you" Maria admitted. "We found you in papa johns trash bin at 4am on a Sunday because we were bored and looking for a free meal.."

Donkey stared at her, flabbergasted at the news.

"Now go.. Back to where you came from." She wiped her eyes and stared at him wistfully. "I must let you be free now. Return to the wild."

Donkey nodded, confused as to why she suddenly started speaking like Steve Irwin, and went forth on his quest- to find the pizzeria.

A few days later, after living on the road and surviving on old homeless men's tears, and one piece of newspaper, he finally found it.

The famed place "Ye Olde Papa Johns". However.. something was wrong, there was no longer a Pizza shop there. Instead the flickering neon sign hanging about the rickety building read "Pickles- not just in jars".

He gazed at the sign, nonplussed before building up enough courage to go in. As he grabbed the doorknob he noticed a fluttering piece of soggy print paper stuck on with exactly one piece of sellotape. On it, in extraordinary large comic sans, it read "Offering exactly one job at this moment for the next 5 hours, come inside to collect, no takebacksies."

He bit his lip, and pushed his way through the sliding door, the bell above the jangling, catching the owner's attention.

~~~~~~~~~~~
665 words :)