the unforgiven | james hetfield [2]

four

chapter four: ticking away the moments that make up the dull day

Time went on for longer than they both realized. 

Iris anticipated James coming back around within days, even weeks. James thought she would do the same, but nothing happened. It came to a point where they both accepted that this was permanent. 

The days turned into weeks. Then the weeks turned into months. Then the months turned into a year. And then years went by without a single word.

No hello, no "happy birthday." Not even a "Happy New Year."

Iris still had her job with her art, which provided a good enough distraction to get through most days, but that didn't mean she still wasn't hurting. 

Every time she came back home to the apartment, it always felt a little colder and emptier. Then she remembered everything that happened, still not accustomed to how different things felt. 

It was even harder when, well, Metallica was everywhere. She couldn't go anywhere without bumping into their presence once, whether it was a poster or one of their records. 

Nobody around her would think that she was in a long relationship with the lead singer of Metallica. Not even the most hardcore fans would know that, but she would keep that to herself.

Even though she saw him at every corner she turned, she didn't spiral like she did years ago. She wasn't sure why that was, but maybe it was because of the amount of times she had gone through something like this. 

Maybe it was because now the only thing weighing her down was gone from her life. Maybe it was because they both decided to separate mutually. Maybe better things were ahead.

For two people who had spent almost ten years together, the separation was going surprisingly well. Neither person made a drunk call to the other begging for them to come back. Yet. 

They say that you develop an addiction when there is something missing from your life. In that case, this "something," or someone, had been Iris. 

James was a mess. Not physically, but mentally, she and the situation were on his mind at all times. It was hard to tell because he was so good at hiding his true feelings most of the time. 

He didn't think she was right in saying that he had changed. Of course, he was only thinking and talking about himself, so he wasn't going to admit that there was any "change."

But the James that she met in 1983 would've never even thought to argue, push her aside, or even talk down to her the way that he had done over the last couple of months or so. 

Now the James that she discovered in 1991 was a completely different person. Ego-filled, head full, no one could tell him anything. After all, he was in the biggest band with his best friends making good music.

In his mind, she was the one who decided to leave him, not the other way around. That was her loss. Or at least that's what he kept telling himself to make himself feel better. 

If anything, she was supposed to be the one to come back to him. And if that was ever going to happen, he was going to kick her to the curb just like she had done to him.

That's what he said he would do, that didn't mean he was going to live up to it. Iris never came back to him, so there was no telling what would've happened if she did. 

Without the alcohol, groupies, and music, he was a vulnerable man. All of those things provided a good enough distraction for him to forget about the fallout and memories he had of Iris. 

She wasn't sure if he would ever recognize how ignorant he was during this time in the future. And if he never did, then maybe she would later learn that she dodged a bullet.

Iris didn't like the person he had become. He was far from the person she had known, and she could see right through him. The way he acted, it was all a show. 

She was never one to feel self-conscious, and he wouldn't want to make anyone feel self-conscious, but that was exactly what he did that day—made her feel less than. 

It was dumb to listen to someone who wasn't exactly in the best frame of mind lately, but this was also coming from the person she had loved dearly. Someone who saved her at her lowest. 

For him to throw her to the side like she meant nothing, like she wasn't good enough after all the times he told her that she was? That hurt her the deepest. 

She was left to figure out how to move on after that. Was she the problem, or was he just talking out of frustration? Would she ever be able to find someone who would stick around for once?

Probably not. After they separated, Iris hadn't thought about dating or being with someone ever again. It wasn't that James ruined that for her, there wasn't anything he had done in particular.

She simply didn't have the energy to meet someone new, to put in all of that work of putting herself out there not knowing if she was going to get her heart broken again or not.

It was like she secretly had bad luck or something, but maybe it was for the better. Being alone was second nature to her, and as long as she had her art, things weren't so bad. 

She was able to move on. He wasn't.