the unforgiven | james hetfield [2]

twenty seven

chapter twenty seven: bun in the oven

Positive.

She didn't know how many times she had taken the test just to make sure it was accurate. They all came out with the same result. 

Her hand trembled as she held the results of the test in her hand, her vision getting blurry as she stared at the two lines. Positive.

Out of all the things she wanted with James coming back into her life, having a kid was not one of them. Just the thought of having a baby with him wasn't in her mind.

Her stomach churned, but not from morning sickness this time. The idea of a life growing inside her for the past two months was beginning to sink in as reality.

She couldn't even move from her spot, her hands continuing to tremble as she stared down at the test. Oh fuck, this was bad. Really bad.

There were so many conflicting emotions she was dealing with. Tears fell from her eyes, but she couldn't tell if that was from being sad or happy. 

More than anything, she was terrified. She didn't know how she would bring this up to James and what she would have to do to support their kid.

Just the idea of bringing a kid into this world without being prepared for it was terrifying enough. And she wasn't going to blame the child, it didn't ask to be born.

Taking the pregnancy test was only supposed to be a precautionary measure, something to ease her mind about what was going on with her period cycle.

She was expecting it to come out negative, she didn't have that much sexual activity. And for some reason, all it took was one night? 

James must've had really strong swimmers that night. 

She didn't know what she had done to piss off anyone in this world, but being pregnant felt like some sort of punishment for a crime she committed. 

Iris and kids were a weird topic. She never felt the need to have kids, but she didn't want to write off the idea of having a family either.

Once James had left, the idea of having a family was long gone, because, well. If she was to start a family with anyone, it would have been with him.

The problem now was that this "family" was not exactly secure. How could Iris and James manage to be parents—good parents at that—if they were still dealing with trust issues?

She didn't want to bring a child into the middle of that either. She was scared that this child would only put further strain on their relationship.

Iris didn't want that. She didn't want to lose James again, not after how far they've come. And she knew he didn't want that either, despite their ongoing issues.

They never had the chance to properly discuss having kids. That was completely out of the question in the first couple of years of their relationship since they were so young.

Now that they were older and able to handle having a kid, that was a conversation that needed to be had before something like this happened.

Even though she wasn't ready for what was to come, she wasn't going to turn her back on this child either. And for all she knew, this could be a blessing in disguise.

It was going to be scary and difficult, but there was a glimmer of hope within her that maybe things wouldn't be so bad after all. 

Now that she reached a place of acceptance, she had a bigger problem: telling James.

Oh god, the idea of bringing it up to James was enough to send her back into a panic. There were so many ways that could end, and she was afraid of that too.

There were three different ways Iris could see this situation going between them, and most of them were situations that she knew weren't going to end well at all.

The first possibility would be that Iris would tell him and he would run away. As much as she wanted to believe he had changed, having a kid was bound to make anyone leave. 

She didn't want to deal with that pain again. Not only would she have to relive the trauma he left with leaving the first time, but that also meant she would have to face this alone.

The second possibility was that James would find out and ask Iris to make a decision she didn't want to make. If that were to happen, she was going to refuse to give in.

That was a possibility she pushed to the back of her mind, almost deeming it out of character for him. She hoped that he wouldn't do something like that, but it was possible.

It was easy to forget sometimes that James was famous enough for the whole world to know who he was. He might have other "priorities" to take care of.

The third possibility was what she hoped for the most: she and James were going to have this baby together. He was going to stick by her side and be there, no matter what.

But Iris's mind was telling her that that was never going to happen. And maybe he would react in a way that was much worse than what she was anticipating. 

Iris decided she was going to keep the news to herself until she figured out the best way to tell him. However, she knew she couldn't keep this hidden from him forever.

She sighed as she stood in the mirror, her hand resting on her stomach as she thought about the life that was now growing inside her. 

She couldn't help but smile a bit, a small hint of excitement building in her as she wondered if it was a boy or girl, and if they would come out looking more like James or her. 

Suddenly, her world felt so much more fragile now. From this day on out, her priority was now focused on carrying their baby.