the unforgiven | james hetfield [2]

five

chapter five: trust i seek and i find in you

Seven years.

Seven long years had passed before James and Iris spoke to each other again. And who decided to come back first? He did. 

It was now 1998, just a few months away from the beginning of a new decade. The band's attention began to fade away a bit, giving them time to finally calm down from the high.

That wasn't exactly a bad thing. Of course, they were still well-known, but they weren't plastered everywhere like it was years ago.

By the time the tour was finished, they were begging for a break. They pushed out two more albums, and now it felt like they could finally take a breath.

James was by himself most of the time. Sure, the band members called him up from time to time inviting him to a party or something, but he was already getting tired of that sort of thing.

The groupies, the drinking, the partying, it all got old quickly. And when all of that disappeared, nothing was satisfying enough to distract him from his loneliness. 

Just him, alone in this empty house. No girlfriend, no family to come back home to. Just the half-empty bottle that sat on the kitchen counter, calling his name. 

He couldn't live like this anymore. He was alone all of the time, drowning his regrets in the alcohol, only being able to listen to his own thoughts. 

He wouldn't have admitted this years ago, but he was going to admit it now: James missed Iris.

He missed coming home to see her asleep on the couch, or the sarcastic banter they always got into when it was just them, spending a lazy day in together.

How she could comfort him so easily on a bad day by just smiling or making him laugh without ever really knowing how he was feeling on that day. 

What he would give to go back in time and take back all of the terrible things he said to her. Most of the time when they argued, he wasn't even in the right frame of mind, most likely drunk out of his mind.

James finally managed to recognize that he owed her an apology big time. He promised to never treat her badly, but he ultimately broke that promise. 

Not only did he want to apologize, but he wanted to see her again. He wondered how she was doing after all this time.

He had been thinking of seeing her again for a couple of weeks on it, but never acting on it. He always told himself there was a reason why she had never bothered to reach out. 

Acting on impulse, James decided that he was going to see her again. He was trying not to think about it too much and just keep going until he made it back to their old apartment. 

He was taking a big risk by not telling her in advance, but he knew that if he did tell her, she would probably shut him down before he even managed to get in his car. 

It felt like there was no time. If he wanted to see her, he had to do it now, otherwise, his fear and guilt were going to prevent him from acting on it. There was no telling if he was ever going to see her again. 

He was terrified of what could happen in the next few hours. Showing up at your ex-girlfriend's house seven years after separation was not a normal thing to do, but he wanted to see her.

Just one last time.

James wasn't even sure if she still lived at the apartment that they once shared. Maybe she moved to another place, not wanting to have the memories of him around her anymore. 

Even worse, maybe she found someone else to be with. He hoped that wasn't the case, it would be a punch in the gut. He still cared about her despite what he may have said in the past.

As James got in his car and started driving, he gripped the steering wheel tightly, his nerves frayed and his mind racing. He was trying to calm himself down but it wasn't working. 

There were so many things that could happen next. So many things could go wrong, but so many things could go right at the same time. Maybe nothing will happen in the end. 

When he pulled up to her building, he took a deep breath and forced himself to go inside. At this point, he was going for closure, to see if he could get one more chance. 

A knock on the door was going to change everything. Once he did it, there was no turning back. Whatever was behind that door, if there was anything, was going to be thrown into his face.

He would simply have to accept it as fate, and even if there was something behind that door he didn't want to see, he would have to respect it.

With a trembling hand, he raised his hand, taking a deep breath before knocking on the door.