Plucky Thoughtfullness

Techno.

Loud. Unmelodic. Aggressive. Annoying.
For many.

Breathtaking. Magical. Pure love.
For others.

Techno children.
Hedonists.
Youth with oversized pupils.
Who prefer to sleep when they're dead.
Who dance their nights away in ecstasy.
Who no longer know how to stand still.
Forgotten how to live still.

They're the ones whose parents lie awake at night,
unsuspecting of what their child is up to.

"We're just chilling with friends today."

But what would your 10-year-old self think -
seeing you stagger out of the club?
Dark circles under the eyes hanging to your shoulders.
A blank, black stare.
Almost like no one's home anymore.
Inside you.

Like it's just a shell now.
The soul -  danced away.
Lost.
Left behind. 
Right where the bass disappears
when the DJ stops playing.

What do those nights give you?
That you've turned into someone you never thought you'd be?

One day, you'll fall.
And it'll consume you.
Devour you. 

 At first, you know nothing.
And by the time you notice -
it's already too late. 

It's much more than you've ever imagined.
It's love.

You're there -
with your friends,
the people you love most in this vast world.

And you're happy.
Not just okay -happy
Not "I'm surviving"-happy

But full.
Overflowing.
Drenched in joy.

You're so happy you want to cry.
Why haven't you felt this before?
Why didn't you see it?
How were you ever blind to what real happiness feels like?

So you're standing in this club.
Next to you, your favorite people.
The bass is everywhere.
In your ears, crawling under your skin, filling your chest.

You're stomping to the beat.
Clumsy at first.
Then it just flows. 

The music becomes fuel. 

The vibration in every inch of you.
Goosebumps bloom across your skin.
You're part of this wonderful, giant mass of people that moves to the beat -
a rhythm-powered organism.

And you're so tall.
You see above everyone. 

Did joy make you grow? 

 You glance to your right.
There they are - your best friend.
Same beat.
Same high.
You feel it. 

Everyone you see is your friend.
Why not? 

Everything is light.
Everything is love.
When everyone is your friend.

It's warm in the club.
Stuffy.
The fog fills the room.
Clouds your vision.
Makes you see even worse than before.
But it doesn't matter - 
You don't need to see.
You close your eyes. 

Now it's just you and the bass.
All you want.
All you need.

Your breath is trembling.
Your heart is flipping.
Your mind is free. 

 Tense jaw. Dry lips.
You try to relax it,
lick your mouth.
Doesn't help.
So you accept it.
You kind of like it.
It's part of it. 

You have to smile.
It's indescribable. 

These nights -
they run on pure hedonism.
And you wouldn't trade it for anything.

When you open your eyes again, you're surprised.
You could have been anywhere. 

But you're still here.
In the same perfect place.
With these perfect people. 

 It's like a cult.
Music is our god. 

 You forget how danger.
Forget the aftermath.
Because what you feel right now -
is worth it.

How can they judge us?
We just want to be happy.

We want to take it all off - 
at least for one night.
Maybe for two.
Be free. 

You want it never to stop.
You could stay here forever.
Just dance.
Just be. 

But time is ticking.
Even faster than usual.
Hours dissolve like minutes.

You want to hold her.
Time.
Yell at her.
"Please stop." 

But you know -
like always,
even this night has to end. 

And when it's over -
when the lights turn on -
Your heart wants to cry. 

And we go home.
The way we were.
The way we are.
Maybe a little bit changed. 

Because thes nights -
you'll never forget.
They're real.