Plucky Thoughtfullness

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How does love feel?

It's the tingling in the abdomen. Butterflies, they say.

It's that you can't think about anything else.

It is, the addiction to that smell. That unique smell of that person.

Is it the laugh that this person can put in your face, whether you like it or not?

It's the touch that gives you instant goosebumps.

Or it's the pain.

This unique pain that only love can give you.

The pain that arises in you when the person hurts you over and over again. Your human.

It's hurting you. Sometimes more than you can handle.

My father once said that if there are more unpleasant, bad moments with this one person than there are good, then it's the wrong one.

But when does the bad prevail? When is good no longer good enough to be good?

And how long is it worth fighting for? You shouldn't just throw things away. You can fix anything, they say.

But some things just can't be fixed. Some things are broken. Scrap.

When a relationship between two people is so broken on so many levels. Then what?

You can fight, you can give everything you have. At least for a while.

But then you lose that power. And hope.

Whatever once burned in you, it suffocates.

And the more you fight, the more you break yourself. Your relationship isn't getting any better, but you're getting broken. Exhausted. Powerless.

More and more and more.

But how hard you fought, for how long, no one can see.

If you throw it away, you're weak, they say. Then it was all for nothing. And why shouldn't it work out again? You just have to put in enough effort in it.

Then everything will be fine.

Give everything and more. Work yourself up. Damn it. Waste all your strength. All your energy.

"It'll be all right." "There are better times to come."It's just a phase."Right?

Nothing on this big, wide, colorful earth can destroy you more than love.

And no matter how many times you decide not to. She'll find you again. And you'll fall again.

What you see of a person when you're in love is 1/10,000 of what they truly are.

To illustrate:

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This point, all over this page, full of letters, is what you can see from the person you're in love with.

All the other letters, words, sentences. You don't see them, they just make themselves felt over time.

How are you supposed to know if this person is really the right person for you if you choose them? You don't even see them.

And what if it's really what they say, and there's only one person out there who belongs to you? It only has to be one person with the wrong one, and the whole concept doesn't work anymore, right?

"when you aks people about love, they tell you about heartbreak"

Maybe love will always be associated with pain. Maybe you just have to find the person who's worth it.

What is missing is the border. How far is okay. When is it exceeded?

When is it worthwhile to stop fighting and when is it time to give up?

Sometimes giving up means being strong. Letting go.

Maybe I'm just too weak to give up drawing the line. To let go.

Over time, fighting becomes a habit. The fights. The disagreements. What is inappropriate is made appropriate. At the expense of one of them.

The power of habit keeps you going.

Today is not the time. Next time I'll go.

But you won't. The ugly has long outweighed the beautiful. But you're not going.

Maybe you're too weak, maybe your heart's too big.

Do you really think this is love?