penumbra

Chap. 1 - 555

So... This is my first ever ff and English is not my first language, the whole shabang... Hope you enjoy!

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Goddammit, it was happening again.

Three in the morning and he was still not asleep. It had been some time since Seonghwa's sleep had been this bad. He was having nightmares and insomnia again, nearly on a daily basis. It used to happen a lot in his teens, but after he neared his twenties, it had toned down a little. Now not only it all came back, but also seemed much worse. This made no fucking sense, and it was honestly getting ridiculous. He felt utterly exhausted all the time and could barely stay up through his morning classes at university; his friend Siwoo would also pick on him for dozing off while taking notes or startle him back awake when he did fall asleep. Besides, he was slacking off at his part-time job in the café near his apartment complex. His parents would of course help him if he needed money but that was really not something he wanted to be thinking about at the moment. On top of that, his major's final exams for the semester before winter break were less than a month away and he definitely wasn't studying properly as staying still in any acceptably comfortable position now would already tempt him to drift away.

He tossed and turned in bed, restless and irritated. He had to get up early in the morning to go to university, then get to work in the afternoon and at night he had a meeting to discuss a class assignment with Siwoo scheduled. Needless to say, it'd be a rough day that needed a lot of energy to be decently navigated through. That demanded good sleep – and Seonghwa wasn't getting any. The young man was barely even having any shuteye, let alone enjoying some good quality snooze.

Sitting up harshly, he huffed and threw his feet off the bed and into his fluffy slippers. He made a beeline for his closet, changing into some warm and comfy clothes. He was going for a walk. Maybe a run. He didn't know. Seonghwa was grumpy and with a slight headache, his eyes dry and tired, and his mind felt so busy and loud even though he was sure he wasn't thinking about anything in specific.

Or maybe he was. Maybe he was thinking about how he didn't really have any real perspective in his life and would eventually just disappoint his parents by being a failure. How being so useless because of his shitty sleep schedule was accelerating that process. How he had been a burden to one of his only friends in this whole city because of that. How he wasn't sure if he was fit for the major he chose. How he would just fuck everything up in the end. How he wished he was back at his hometown, fourteen years old, with higher hopes for life and happy just spending all of his free time with his childhood friend whom he was developing an innocent crush on.

His heart suddenly tightened. Where would he be now after vanishing as soon as they graduated high-school?

It didn't matter... Well, at least it shouldn't, Seonghwa thought. It was just a silly teen crush. Besides, he was gone from his life now.

...

... And his mind was running wild. Maybe he did think too much about too many things at once.

He put earphones on and his phone in the pocket of his coat before sitting at his apartment door to slip into his sneakers, then got up to his feet with a lazy stretch.

Seonghwa went out the door and didn't even bother to take the elevator. He lived on the fifth floor and honestly taking the stairs would not only warm him up but also take more of his time so he could move and try to get himself sleepy. Once he got to the building entrance, he took out his phone to pick a playlist before exiting.

The cold wind hit his face and swooshed through his hair. He took a deep breath, taking in the nearly icy atmosphere and listening to the calm beat playing in his ears. He looked around when he took his first steps outside, thinking how by the falling temperatures it shouldn't be long before the first snow fell in Seoul. He gazed at the naked branches from the trees and the few stars he could see in the night sky in the big city then took out his phone.